2017

I don’t really believe in resolutions anymore, I prefer mantras…it’s like a promise to oneself without the pressure of I MUST DO THIS IN  A YEAR! Or something we tend to forget about three months down the line.

I have a few for this year:

-Make it through childbirth without dying. That one would be good. lol

-Learn to #MomSoHard

-Become a breastfeeding rockstar

-In the midst of caring for a new tiny human & two fur babies, still find some time for myself & not leave self-care out of the mix

-Continue adventuring

-Oh, & kill some CEU’s so my license doesn’t die along the way

That about sums it up for me! What are some of your hopes/goals for 2017??

 

23 Ways Fur Babies Are Like Human Babies

1. They lose their literal sh*t when you leave the house without them.
2. No one is happier to see you.
3. You find yourself asking, “What’s in your mouth?!?!” multiple times a day.
4. As well as gently reminding them, “We don’t eat bugs, remember?”
5. Both of their toys come from Toys-R-US! Yes, Pet Smart now has a line specifically from T.R.U that resembles infant & toddler toys-worry no more fellow infertiles!
6. You can dress them up!! Well, the smaller ones anyway…this becomes more challenging when one of your fur babies is a 130 pound Rottweiler.
7. You trip over them and exclaim, “I didn’t see you there!” because they follow you everywhereeeee.
8. Yes, everywhere-you will never go to the bathroom alone every again, fear not!
9. They can both be taken to the park…sure, one of them is designated as, “dog park,” but a park’s a park, am I right?
10. They don’t want any other species of their kind loving up on THEIR mommy, or daddy.
11. Both get free things from the bank drive-thru. Candy and milk bones..same thing.
12. Each kind of baby requires a babysitter for an extensive out of town trip.
13. Not every location loves our babies as much as we do, there are kid-friendly places & not so kid-friendly places. Likewise, not everyone welcomes fur babies.
14. Picking up their toys is NEVER ending!!! &, as soon as you put them all away, the new game is seeing just how quickly they can get them all back out again.
15. Both love going, “bye, bye!”
16. They’re scared at the most random of things…like garbage cans & white paper bags..those things are terrifying.
17. Both kinds of babies get Christmas stockings. I’m sure even some human babies get tethers in their’s as well….
18. Taking them to the doctor/vet for shots is the absolute worst. If you thought Saw was bad, you haven’t seen anything until you see those glassy eyes staring up at you while your tiny baby cries because they’re getting hurt & don’t understand why you won’t make it stop.
19. They have Birthday parties….or at least mine do…judge me.
20. Both of them know when we’re upset &, in turn, become upset themselves.
21. They won’t get out of our beds even though they have their own..what’s better than mommy & daddy’s memory foam mattress?
22. They have sibling rivalry! The day my second dog came home, I thought my yorkie was going to murder him. She loathedddddddd his existence for months &, after over two years, reminds him whose boss.
23. We love them to infinity & they love us right back!

 

Dog Park Besties

They wanted to be close to each other on the way home. Be still my heart.

A Whirlwind

That’s what today has been comparable to for me.

It started with our 2nd monitoring appointment for this round of IVF. Our RE, after painfully jabbing the dildo wand around my ovaries, announced, “I’d say you have 17 follicles right now. They all are different sizes, some big and some small. But we may reduce your dose down.”

In a panic, my mind said woahhhhh now-I thought this was the very thing we were trying to avoid this time around as not to reduce egg quality??????? When asking him this, he responded that he remembered that conversation and, based on the blood work, wouldn’t lower it this time around.

Regardless, like any hormone drug induced individual, I lost my shit afterwards. I spent the last half of my lunch crying in the parking lot of my vehicle with several thoughts plaguing my mind. Would it make a difference this time, being that I only had 2 less follicles than my last 2nd monitoring appointment? Would they have to reduce my dose again and, consequently, compromise the quality of my eggs a second time? What if I just wouldn’t be a good mom? *Que more crying. After the waterfall, I tried convincing myself things may still work out…& focused on God’s promise that, “Nothing will be impossible for you.” 

Thankfully, two hours later, our nurse called. She informed me that my blood work looked good & my estrogen levels were better than last time, as they were not as elevated. They were 699 on our first IVF 2nd monitoring appointment & today they were 552. Woooo, talk about a relief! 

After that, I was on cloud 20. I’m back to being hopeful that this round may be our time…I feel like there have been too many signs for it not to be at this point.

What meds have I taken today?

Follism-F 150 units (donated to us by our IVF clinic. They said it was the same as Gonal-F & saved us hundreds of dollars by gifting it to us). We start Citrotide, my favorite shot (sarcasm lol) tomorrow. Our nurse told me that, based upon our RE’s prediction that retrieval would be Friday, the trigger shot would probably go off on Wednesday.

How do I feel today?

I no longer have diahrea!!!! Oh, happy dayyyyyyy! 😀 My symptoms today are: nausea, HUGE boobs, pangs in my ovaries, & sensitivity to smell. I’ve notice my ovaries are also on heightened sensitivity…thanks, to Sophie Belle our yorkie baby jumping on them. Her second in command, however, became very concerned when daddy got mama’s shot out…& then proceeded to protect her with all 130 pounds of him on her legs….

Daddy & his needles had nothing on this boy’s cuddle power.

How is Scott feeling today? He’s excitedly babbling about Halo otp with his brother &, in my clinical opinoin, sounding schizophrenic. LOL ;P In all seriousness, he has been my rock today when I wasn’t past the disappointing news before the sun broke through with the bits of good. He exemplified the, “when you’re weak, I’ll be strong,” today & I love him for that. I’m a lucky girl.

Plus, he even takes selfies with me to distract from my impending nervousness about appointments that potentially aggravate my PTSD…& even took the perfect pic of my IVF socks. If that isn’t love, what is friends?

Helicopter Husband & Other Looming Thoughts

Scott E. M.: Helicopter fur dad turned helicopter husband!

Last night, I asked if he’d brought popcorn salt for the popcorn. He said, “Oh, no,” to which I replied I can get that.

“NO, NO, NO!” & then RAN to beat me getting up from the couch in my grandma way of doing so lately. Later, when we were going to bed, I walked toward the door-“What are you doing??”
“Locking the door?”
“NO! Bad! Stay right there, I can do it!”
When we were about to walk upstairs, he then places his hands under my arms because, “you were dizzy earlier today!”
That night, I got nauseous..when he asked if there was anything he could get I told him no because we didn’t have any.
“What??”
“Sprite. But that’s okay, I could use my handicap parking pass & ride the scooter around Walmart to get it.”
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! You are not leaving the house! I am taking your keys!!”
“Okay, daddy…..just wait till all my social work friends here about this..” LOL

Along with the above conversation, another followed once we were tucked in bed. He told me that he was so worried this wouldn’t work and didn’t want to put too much faith in it. I told him I didn’t want to be too optimistic about it either, for fear of getting hurt even more in the end. Honestly, I feel like the stakes are soooo much higher with IVF than they were for any of the IUIs (not that I am discounting anyone going through those).

With IVF, there’s the obvious ATROCIOUS amount of financial burden. There’s also so much more emotional taxing that’s involved because of the multiple injections daily, more appointments, an actual surgical (in nature) procedure with egg retrieval, not to mention the physical issues that come up!

With all of that being said, the stakes are obviously so much higher for this to work this time around.

If things do not pan out, the question becomes how far are we willing to go?

For me, I feel like I’d be willing to do a frozen embryo transfer if these don’t take this time around. In a few years, I’d be willing to try IVF again but, as we don’t have 8,000 more dollars lying around, it won’t be for a while.The total cost of the IVF was 12, 000. We paid 8,000 & will have a monthly payment of around 500$ after this process is over.

We also only had the money to do this at all thanks, to a windfall that resulted from my injuries in a car accident coming through at just the right time.

The question also becomes, how much am I willing to put my body through in pursuit of this? How many more times do I want to increase my risk of ovarian and breast cancer? How many more times do I want injections for weeks at a time? How many more times will I have egg retrievals and transfers? How many more times am I willing to waddle around for 2 weeks & have my life revolve around this? How many times am I willing to be put into situations that aggravate my PTSD?

I don’t know….I don’t really feel like I can answer that right now…not in a final sense anyway.

I guess we’ll find out at the end of our TWW. I really hope we don’t have to put any more thought into it & get our BFP!

---

Random question for those who’ve undergone egg retrieval: Were you told not to do any heavy lifting afterwards? 

Change Of Plans

Med. wise.

Our nurse called us back Friday afternoon to say that, after our RE reviewed my estrogen levels, they decided to decrease my dose of Gonal-F to 150 instead of keeping it at 250. This freaked me out at first because I worried something was wrong & I was at an even greater risk of developing OHSS. After calming down my hormonal overdrive, I had some brief contact with my sane self. lol Since then, I’ve tried to remind myself that this is WHY they do so many monitoring appointments in the first place-in case meds. need to be adjusted. I also reminded myself that my sister in law, who successfully got through IVF with twins, told me this past weekend they had to up her dose while she was going through treatment.

Tonight was our first injection of Centrotide. It was a little daunting as compared to the Gonal-F pen that was relatively easy. Much more complicated than dialing a pen to the desired dose & being set to go.

For me, this injection burned A LOT more than Gonal-F ever thought about! Not necessarily while going in but it burned (& still is burning) for a while after…my husband googled it & found that someone else had stated, in their experience, this injection burned for an hour afterwards.

How am I feeling today? Tired & still waddling. I also noticed that my headaches from Gonal-F are worsening. Earlier, when it first started, I’d taken 2 Tylenol thinking it would do the trick like it usually had. Nope. Didn’t even phase it. In addition to that, something else new I’ve noticed today is my loss of appetite. I’d read that happens a lot with Gonal-F & it’s hitting me hard today. I am hoping the side effects from the Centrotide will be a little easier on me.

IVF calendar I made us to keep track of all the crazy!

He knows when mama doesn’t feel well…this is the SECOND time he’s laid his big head on my tummy today ❤

Favorite Things Friday: TTC Crate Surprise

A few weeks ago, this month’s My Fertile Box.com’s theme caught my eye.

It involves one of my other absolute favorite things…...fur babies! 

So, knowing we’d be starting IVF in the numbered days, I pulled a line of Donna’s from Parks & Rec. and decided to do a, “Treat yo self.”

& I can honestly say I’m so happy I did! I’m still amazed at everything included in the crate & really enjoyed the fur baby/Halloween theme.

everything was adorable, packaging & all

Now hanging on my bathroom mirror

toys for the fur babies

Several bows for Soph & a bow tie for Tyty!

Fur Mama shirt (plus all the other goodies)

Puppy treats-which, by the way, even our little diva Sophie Belle loved!

My Fertile Box offers two options: the complete crate & a smaller/cheaper version. Included in each version is also a wayyyy adorable package of sparkly, “Baby Dust,” pregnancy test (2 maybe?), & ovulations test (5 I think?).

You can find them here: http://myfertilebox.com

I hope you enjoyed this Friday’s Favorite Things. If ever you’re in the mood to, “treat yo self,” check these out for yourself as well 🙂

Without Further Delay…..

Since I haven’t done one of these in far to long now……….it’s (past) time for Favorite Things Friday!!!!!

One of the 1st (& one of my personal favorite) infertility blogs is Starbucks, Peace, and The Pursuit of Baby.

Her posts are always encouraging & also give a lot of really neat information as well. Her most recent post featured this month’s TTC Care Package from Fertility Box. 

This month’s box specifically is for fur mamas!!!

As Matt Bellisi says, I almost s!it my yoga pants upon seeing that. I am, in no uncertain terms, OBSESSED with my fur babies. I show people pictures (pictures being plural) of them, tell funny stories of the crazy things they’ve done lately, etc. Yeah, I am THAT person.

But when your fur babies are this cute, how you could not be??

With this month’s theme, my heart was stolen. So I decided to channel my inner Donna & Tom from Parks & Rec (another favorite, btw!) & “Treat yo self!”

There are two versions of the box, the full & the mini. I believe the only difference between the two is one item (I believe).

There is also a version of the box for those who are NOT TTC & would still like the fur mama stuff!

I’l post pictures of my box when it comes in next week 🙂

That’s a wrap, happy Fri-yay loves!

Enjoy your weekend!

Favorite Things Friday: Engagement Edition

I haven’t done one of these in a while as I’ve been wadding in a sea of depression & bitterness (two side effects of infertility). As I’ve said before, I realize it is in these moments I need to look closer into the good things I do have in my life, however blurred they may appear through the lenses.

That is, after all, why I started Favorite Things Friday to begin with……

One of the things that always help my smile lines are our engagement pictures. We have two sets thanks to one of my best friends & our wedding photographer.

A few of my favorite things live in both sessions.

In the first, my husband (but that’s a given…or I hope so lol) & our perfect fur babies (that I just realized this blog does not have enough images of!!! These photos also happen to be taken in Eastern, KY-where we’re both originally from!

In the second set, I’d decided on a theme for our wedding & wanted to incorporate that into the session.

Can you guess it????

Vintage! Another favorite of mine. I’m an old soul. ❤

More of my favorite things (que song on whiskers on kittens) from this shoot are: my cowboy boots (I’m a southern girl, y’all), partially backless dresses (because I love seeing one of my tattoos), the city that has my heart (Lexington, KY), & of, course….my hubby (sorry not sorry if I’m making you gag lol).

Happy favorite things Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend, TGIF!!!!!!!!!