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Lucie’s Birth Story

Lucie’s birth story is much different than Eli’s. When thinking about it though it isn’t all too surprising since everything about her has been completely unexpected.

While she’s always been unexpected, from not having to go through infertility treatments to have her & everything turning out okay from my subchorionic hemorrhage when we sure things were over, she’s always shown up right on time. Her Birthday was no exception.

Like a lot of books start out, it was a day like any other day. My family had planned on coming to celebrate Christmas with us early since we wouldn’t be traveling this year with my due date being so close (January 6th). I had an OB appointment that morning so I’d asked them to come up earlier so they could keep an eye on Eli while I went. I’d thought I’d go to my appointment, grab some lunch, & swing by Target for some last minute things I still needed to grab for Lucie & Christmas.

Once  I was back in the room & my OB had checked me, a look came over her face. She said, “So…you’re by yourself today?” & I thought to myself, “Uh, oh-where is this going?”

I was dilated to a 3-4 then and 80% effaced. At first she’d hooked me up to the monitor to see if I was having contractions & said, if I had any, she’d send me straight to the hospital. After 20 minutes, I hadn’t had a single one. She checked me again & said I was a solid 4 dilated & that she was worried if my water broke on its own at home, I wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time (I’m guessing because Lucie had been sooooo low for a good two weeks at least). We talked about it & decided the best thing to do was let her strip my membranes, come grab my bag quickly, & then head to the hospital for her to break my water.

I called my husband, who didn’t answer at first & had sent one of those automatic, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now,” responses to me. I had a few thoughts about that-number one being, he’s gonna answer LOL Two, life rules: when your wife is nine months pregnant & she calls you-you answer the damn phone. But I digress. 😀

I called him back & he picked up. I filled him in & he left his meeting in a hurry to meet me at the hospital.

I’d also text my birth photographer/friend, Vicky, & my doula/friend Shilah to fill them in.

On the way to get my bag, I already had a few contractions & started spotting. When we got to the hospital, I was still dilated to a 4 & the nurse, after checking me, said, “Oh, that’s definitely a head,” confirming again Lulu was super low. They hooked me up to a monitor again & I had a few mild contractions. They picked up a bit & then would fizzle out from there. We’d thought a few times they may stay regular but they remained irregular until my OB got there to break my water.

Up until that point, Shilah had gotten there & we all walked the halls together, I bounced on an exercise/birth ball, & we all just kind of hung out….& may, or may not have snuck in a snack.

My lower back had started to hurt from the start so Shilah had massaged it during our waiting game too, which was really helpful.

By the time Dr. James got there, I still hadn’t dilated any more than I was so it was time to break my water-which I was anxious about. She’d had to break it with Eli too but hadn’t done it until right before I started to push. I remember seeing this brown stick like thing in plastic laid out beside me while she was checking me & that wasn’t exactly comforting because I knew where it was going to go but it wasn’t excoriatingly painful or anything. It did continue to gush out everywhere after I stood up-which was crazy to me since I hadn’t experienced it before. There’s soooo much water I have no idea how women’s bodies hold it all, plus a baby, plus a placenta but, back to the story-

The nurse told me they wanted me to stay hooked up to the monitor for a bit just to make sure baby was tolerating my water being broken well so I sat on a birth/exercise ball & hung out for a bit & had a few contractions there. Since they still weren’t consistent, we decided I should probably walk the halls again to see if they’d pick up. My OB had mentioned, if they didn’t, possibly needing to use a bit of Pitocin, which I really wanted to avoid if possible since I’d hear horror stories about it.

When we set out on walking round two, my nurse stopped us to tell us about a longer way to go where we could see the hospital’s outdoor Christmas lights & a Christmas tree at the end of the hall. Since Christmas was days away & I welcomed any distraction, we headed to it. It wasn’t long before my contractions picked up & started feeling intense really quickly. By the time we’d made it back to the outside of the room, I could barely breathe through them & lost my breath during them a few times.

Shilah had asked if we wanted to walk around one more time but I opted to go rest for a bit. Someone suggested using the peanut ball the nurse had mentioned earlier so I used that for a bit & the contractions continued picking up in intensity & speed. Someone had asked if I wanted to get in the tub like last time & I’d say yes, hoping for some kind of relief.

Vicky later told me Dr. James pulled her aside & said, “She’s not getting in that tub,” so I think she knew it wouldn’t be long but, what she didn’t know then was just how soon she’d be coming back to the room.

Not too long after I was using the peanut ball, I started feeling a lot of pressure & got nervous because I knew I hadn’t until it was time to push with Eli. Somewhere during this, I started crying & saying to Scott, “I can’t do it, I’m not getting a break. I can’t do it.”  I also remember saying I felt pressure in my butt at first (aren’t birth stories glamorous :D).

Not long after I felt an insane amount of pressure in the place Lou would actually come out of & screamed, “SHE’S COMING OUT!!!” Vicky went running out of the room & happened to find Dr. James in the hallway to fill her in. She’d picked up a hall phone to call for nurses but Vicky told her there wasn’t time for that so they both came running back into the room. Dr. James jumped in bed with me like the situation didn’t phase her one bit. No time to put her green gown thing on but she’d grabbed some gloves from somewhere & was ready to go. I think I was screaming at this point & just plain freaking out because I had NOT anticipated things going to quickly & felt like things were more intense very fast as compared to Eli (every labor and delivery truly is different it seems).

In the midst of my freak out, Dr. James said, “Cesilee-look at me! Look at me!” trying to get me to calm TF down & focus. Scott & Shilah grabbed my legs (there wasn’t even time to get me in stirrups) & held them back while I pushed. After a handful of pushes, Lucie Rose was born at 7:12 pm on December 20th. Shilah & Vicky said her tongue was out when she was born so she was ready to crash our Christmas party it seemed 😀

She is, without a doubt, the best Christmas gift we’ve ever gotten & we are so thankful for her.

We are forever thankful for our amazing doula Shilah & so blessed she could be there for Lucie’s birth, too since the day she was born was LITERALLY the only day she was available due to her other job. We couldn’t have done it without her, either time.

We are also so thankful for Vicky being there again as well & continuing to capture the major milestones of our lives & for being sooo much more than a photographer to us.

Last but not least, we are immensely thankful for Dr. James, who found both my endometriosis & MTHFR & helped us bring our little miracles home. Above all, we are thankful God blessed us with these sweet babies because, without Him, they never would have been possible. They’re our 1-2% chance miracles & we couldn’t love them more.

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Second Pregnancy Differences & Infertility

Second pregnancies, successful ones rather (this is actually my fourth-not counting our IVF embryo/PUPO status), are a different kind of ride.

With my first (successful edition), like a lot of people from what I hear, I had time to relax. You rest when you need to rest, sleep when you need to sleep (dare I say I even snuck in a nap every now & then when I was pregnant with Eli), eat when you need (or just want because lets be honest-pregnancy cravings).

This time around has been totally different in all of the above ways for the best of reasons. I have a toddler running-literally, the kid can move-around wanting to explore & get into all the things. We are constantly on the go & I feel like I never stop, especially since my husband still works out of town 4 days a week. So it’s all me & my 31 & ½ inch high assistant…& Sophie, lets not forget our fearless leader with four paws!

I also feel like, for the above reasons, the second go round FLIES BY. I’ll be 23 weeks on Sunday & don’t know where the time has gone. My pregnancy app oh, so kindly informed me I had 18 weeks to go last week, causing internal panic because uhm, we are no where near ready over here. With Eli, I’m pretty sure we had his nursery furniture set up by now…probably the weekend after we found out what we were having. Before this even happened, I had nursery themes picked out for both genders ready to go….oh, how the mighty have fallen this time around 😀 I do have a general sense of what I’m wanting to do if that counts.

Back to the whole infertility aspect (this began as an infertility blog after all), I don’t think the effects of infertility ever really go away-even after a successful pregnancy. With Eli, I worried constantly & knew I would until he was out & we saw that he was breathing & okay. After that I nievly hoped that, if we were ever able to get pregnant again, maybe that feeling would go away or lessen that go around. It hasn’t really. The subchorionic hemorrhage I had in the beginning of this pregnancy definitely didn’t help matters. I still feel like I’m constantly worrying something is going to go wrong & stressing about every little thing & I know that won’t change until Lucie is here & we can see that she is A-Okay, too.

If you’re in the throws of infertility, I hope our story gives you some hope for a positive income. Please know I am always thinking about & praying for every one of you. Never lose hope. Just when I did, things turned around dramatically & very unexpectedly for us.

In other news, I realize it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged….again & noticed my last entry was about Eli’s health concern relating to his spine. I am SOOOO thankful to say that things turned out fine with that-praise the Lord! He does a curve in his little butt crack but, after an ultrasound, the Dr. said they didn’t see any reasons for concern. He also started walking since then & is a champion runner at this point. So thankful!

We’re also still trying to either find Scott a job closer to home or relocate so we’re all under the same roof when Lulu gets here. So we’re kind of at a standstill right now & things surrounding that aren’t really certain right now. We’re hoping to have something finalized by the end of the month so we can get things going.

&, I don’t know about you, but I’m just REALLY excited for fall! The cooler weather, the festivals, the pumpkin patches, Halloween, & all things pumpkin falvored or spiced are calling my name.

 

What are you favorite parts of fall??? Do you have any fun traditions you love doing every year???

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Losing Air

Today has been a very unexpectedly difficult day. Eli has been sick the past couple days (we’d thought it may be allergies at first because Kentucky lol & then saw that it was more over the weekend) so I took him into the Dr today. Poor guy has a double ear infection &, after we got this diagnosis & the Dr asked if there was anything else she could do for us, I thought I’d mention something I hadn’t really thought would be a big deal. It was.

A few weeks ago, my mom noticed that Eli’s butt crack was crooked (no fun medical terms here, just telling it how it is lol). She’d said my Dr’s use to tell her to watch for that when I was younger because it meant my hip was out (I had a lot of hip issues growing up & several surgeries). She looked at him & replied, “I think it’s definitely a legitimate concern.” She then said she’d go check to see if his well child visit was soon so, if it wasn’t, she could move it up when his regular pedi would be back. She came back with another Dr. with her who wanted to check him out. She looked at his legs, noticing, “a slight discrepancy in length,” felt his hips, & said she felt it may be more of his spine than hips. I was told, at his next visit, they’d probably want to do an ultrasound &/or an X-RAY to get a better idea of what is going on.

Hearing that something may be wrong with your child is one of the most awful things in the world because they ARE your world. The best way I can describe it is, it was like someone knocked the air out of me & pushed me under water. There I was with this little boy I thought was doing just fine & right on track in every way & now someone was telling me he may not be just fine.

Google, just like most things, isn’t exactly a good thing to consult on these issues. It’s like the meme that goes: “Just put my symptoms into Web MD..turns out I have cancer,” because you’re going to find literally the worst things. Something my husband & I have came across a lot is a scary thing called a tethered spine that requires surgery & can have neurological impacts. Reading that gives an entire new meaning to scared.

We can’t really do much at the moment but wait….& overthink….& be anxious….if you pray, please say a prayer that everything will be fine for our little Eli. Mama is a wreck & is extra emotional with the pregnancy plus progesterone 😦

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Big News

A little late putting this on WordPress buttttt Eli has something he wants to tell everyone…….

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We are shocked to say the least. It’s hard to believe that we were once told we had a 1-2% chance of having children & should just give up. It’s hard to believe the IUIs, the medicated cycles, & even the end all be all of infertility world, IVF, failed…twice…&, now, somehow, we are going to be parents of two under two.

If you would’ve told me this would be our reality two years ago, I would’ve laughed at you…or, lets be honest, punched you in the face because I was pretty bitter at times through our infertility battle lol

We are without words & so, so thankful.

We have had one big scare this pregnancy so far. After Eli’s Birthday party, I started bleeding & thought to myself, “here we go again,” because I was sure I was miscarrying as bleeding was always the first sign I had. Miraculously, the ultrasound tech flipped the screen around & casually said, “So there’s the heartbeat.”

I thought to myself, “What?!” with my eyebrow raised. The baby measured fine & on target & had a good heart rate BUT the ER doc did tell me I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. He asked if I wanted to be put on progesterone as a precaution & I said yes, so he called my OB who agreed.

I’ve had two more follow ups with her office since then, plus one more ultrasound, which still looked good as far as size & heart rate, but the suchchorionic hemorrhage had grown last time /:

At this point, we are watching it closely & I’ll have regular appointments &, at least, monthly ultrasounds. We’re hoping it resolves soon.

Again, I’d like to thank everyone for following along with our journey, cheering for us, & praying for us along the way. It has meant so much ❤

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I almost died this week. 

Not in the way that dramatic amped up teenagers say, arms flailing, referring to how their parents took their cell phones for an hour.

I literally almost died. Eli & I both could have.

He wasn’t going down for naptime so I decided we’d leave early for music class so he could sleep on the way. The car has lulled my stubborn boy to sleep a lot.

When we got about 5 minutes from home, my driver’s tire blew out, though I didn’t know it at the time. The Tahoe went into a ditch, RIGHT BETWEEN two electric poles, into a horse fence (if you’re a KY resident you know those black fences that line horse country well), & then over a drop off about 6 feet high.

At the time, all I knew was my car wasn’t level anymore, I was crashing & not able to stop it, & something was coming through my windshield.

The accident felt both fast & slow. It happened so fast but everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Especially after it was over.

Once the car finally stopped, I felt my heart pounding & the first thing I noticed was Eli had started to cry. So, not noticing the glass that was all over my seat, I jumped out of the car, into a tiny creek, & ran to his door. It was locked (of, course) so I ran back to hit the unlock button & repeat the route. Once I finally got the door open & saw he was seemingly alright, I was flooded with a bit of relief. Holding him, I called 911 to tell them I’d just been in an accident. They kept asking me what road I was on & I wasn’t sure what the name of it was as we’d just moved to our new town. There weren’t any landmarks around to help with pinpointing our location (exciting even more panic). Thankfully, an older guy & his mother pulled up & told me where we were. They also let us get in their car to wait for the ambulance since it was cold.

Eli had to ride in a make shift car seat the EMS lady made with straps that went on the gurney. He hated it & let everyone know just how much all the way to the hospital. Once we got there, they took us to the trauma part of the ER, which was another very terrifying experience in & out of itself. There were about 7-10 people in the room. One of the Dr’s was in the corner trying to explain this to me but I felt like I couldn’t really process what she was saying to me because I was in shock of how many people were there & wondering if they thought he was hurt. Thankfully, by the grace of God, he checked out just fine. It was a happy day in the trauma ward.

I have some minor injuries, all things considered. I am just thankful, first & foremost, that Eli is okay. I’m also just happy to be alive. There are so many ways we could’ve died in that car accident. From the piece of wood that busted through my windshield & went sideways instead of at my face, to passing through two electrical poles with no room to spare, to across a two lane road that thankfully held no cars, to going off the 6 foot embankment &, somehow, landing straight up & not rolling.

I am stunned that none of the above happened. & so, so incredibly thankful.

It’s a very scary thing, nearly losing your life. I think, as a parent, everyone’s greatest fear is that you will lose your child. The second is that they will lose you too soon. Both of my greatest fears almost happened last week & I can tell you it is absolutely terrifying. While I’ve definitely been living more cautiously, I hope to gain some positive perspective from this experience, too. But that’s for another post.

We are forever thankful that God protected us that day. We’re also so thankful to the makers of Chevy Tahoe. Everyone at the scene kept saying how well the car had held up, despite it all. Big Bertha was completely totaled but she did a fine job as far as safety goes. Lastly, we are so grateful to Maxi Cosi. Eli’s car seat held up impeccably well! You would have never guessed it’d been in an accident, it was in the exact same spot it was when we installed it & didn’t have any damage whatsoever. & yes, we know you are suppose to replace them after an accident & have already re-ordered & received the same one (thanks, Amazon Prime). God is good ❤

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Losing Friends In Parenthood

It happens. For a variety of reasons, I suppose.

Since I’ve had Eli, I feel like I’ve definitely lost some, “friends.”

To be honest, this started happening somewhat during my pregnancy as well.

After Eli was born, I starting noticing this even more so in relationships  & some of them were very surprising. For instance, I would have thought that people who were supportive throughout our fertility struggles & even the pregnancy would have been really excited to meet him & be involved in our lives but that just hasn’t been the case.

First & foremost, I will acknowledge, because this began as an infertility blog, that one reason people in our lives may seemingly want nothing to do with our children & our new lives/roles, may be due to experiencing infertility themselves. WHICH IS TOTALLY & COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE!!!!!!! I get that. I empathize with that.

Another reason my circle, like a lot of parents circles from what I hear, grew smaller could be that some people just don’t like kids. To each his own, I suppose. Chances are, if you don’t like my kid, I don’t like you though soooo 😀

JK! I understand that kids aren’t everyone’s jam. You do you, man.

By the same token, I also understand some people just aren’t comfortable around children. One of my friends is obviously in this category but, even so, she has still been involved with him & has worked really hard to get past it. Actually, I appreciate her even more because she makes an effort when she is admittedly uncomfortable in doing so.

A friend’s brother, who also falls into this category, made me LOL one day when coming by my house to address Eli with, “Hi, baby….” *looks at me “I don’t really know how to talk to babies.” My friend answered him back with, “Like he’s a person.” It was pretty epic 😀

I also feel like some people just can’t grasp how all consuming parenthood is & get a little peeved when you can’t hangout at the drop of a hat like you use to, or irritated with 90% of what I post on social media involving my child in some way (sorry not sorry, btw).

Whatever the reason, I have definitely noticed that my circle is a lot smaller since becoming a mom. What do you think? Has anyone else noticed this happening in their own lives? What do you think the reasons behind it are?

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If There’s Ever A Next Time

If there’s ever a next time, as far as having a baby goes, we definitely experienced some things first hand we’ll do differently next time.

For starters, the visitors. Before I had Eli I’ll admit I may have raised my eyebrow a bit when I saw other moms & articles written by parents saying they didn’t want visitors while in the hospital. I remember thinking to myself, “Hum, that’s strange! Aren’t you so excited to show your baby to the world????”

Yes, everyone is excited-excited isn’t the word actually-more like overjoyed. But you are also EXHAUSTED in the full sense of the word. My labor started at 2:30 am & Eli was born at almost noon that day. We’d been up since 2:00 when I’d noticed bleeding & grabbed our bag in a rush to get to the hospital. I didn’t get an epidural so there was no sleeping. Natural childbirth, while it was absolutely worth it, takes effort. A lot of freaking effort. We walked the halls a lot early on as I started having contractions because I wanted to keep the labor going & didn’t want it to stall out. Later, our amazing doula helped us try more things/positions to cope with the pain. In other words, we didn’t just hangout in bed all those hours binging Netflix.

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Also…if you are not immediate family, or close friends I talk with on a weekly basis, the time for your to make an appearance is certainly not after my crotch was, literally, ripped open, is bleeding, & hurting like a mother. Did I mention I’m sporting mesh, “underwear,” & sitting on an ice pack?

To add to the fun, I’m trying to figure out how on earth to get a tiny human to breastfeed so the bra has went out the window. Breastfeeding…IE my boobs need to be out when said baby is hungry. Which become a little difficult to do when someone I’ve seen a handful of times is making an appearance. Reserve those visits for when we get home.

Second, the announcing. I had someone else announce via Facebook I was in labor &, as I’ve seen many other moms say, I feel like that is something reserved for the parents to do unless they otherwise specify.

Lastly, if Eli ever becomes a big brother, I’m kicking everyone out of the delivery room. All I want is my husband & my doula 😀 My mom freaked out because she said she couldn’t stand to see me in pain-which I can sympathize with since I can imagine that would be difficult. She was also traumatized for months by the amount of blood courtesy of the blood thinners I was on during pregnancy. So there’s that. Alongside her, my poor sister was about to legit pass out & was, I kid you not, biting her nails in the corner…my photographer friend has photographic evidence of this LOL I love em but I just need some people who can keep me calm 😀

If there’s ever a next time around, I think we’ll probably just have the baby & then tell everyone 😀

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