Losing Friends In Parenthood

It happens. For a variety of reasons, I suppose.

Since I’ve had Eli, I feel like I’ve definitely lost some, “friends.”

To be honest, this started happening somewhat during my pregnancy as well.

After Eli was born, I starting noticing this even more so in relationships  & some of them were very surprising. For instance, I would have thought that people who were supportive throughout our fertility struggles & even the pregnancy would have been really excited to meet him & be involved in our lives but that just hasn’t been the case.

First & foremost, I will acknowledge, because this began as an infertility blog, that one reason people in our lives may seemingly want nothing to do with our children & our new lives/roles, may be due to experiencing infertility themselves. WHICH IS TOTALLY & COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE!!!!!!! I get that. I empathize with that.

Another reason my circle, like a lot of parents circles from what I hear, grew smaller could be that some people just don’t like kids. To each his own, I suppose. Chances are, if you don’t like my kid, I don’t like you though soooo 😀

JK! I understand that kids aren’t everyone’s jam. You do you, man.

By the same token, I also understand some people just aren’t comfortable around children. One of my friends is obviously in this category but, even so, she has still been involved with him & has worked really hard to get past it. Actually, I appreciate her even more because she makes an effort when she is admittedly uncomfortable in doing so.

A friend’s brother, who also falls into this category, made me LOL one day when coming by my house to address Eli with, “Hi, baby….” *looks at me “I don’t really know how to talk to babies.” My friend answered him back with, “Like he’s a person.” It was pretty epic 😀

I also feel like some people just can’t grasp how all consuming parenthood is & get a little peeved when you can’t hangout at the drop of a hat like you use to, or irritated with 90% of what I post on social media involving my child in some way (sorry not sorry, btw).

Whatever the reason, I have definitely noticed that my circle is a lot smaller since becoming a mom. What do you think? Has anyone else noticed this happening in their own lives? What do you think the reasons behind it are?

If There’s Ever A Next Time

If there’s ever a next time, as far as having a baby goes, we definitely experienced some things first hand we’ll do differently next time.

For starters, the visitors. Before I had Eli I’ll admit I may have raised my eyebrow a bit when I saw other moms & articles written by parents saying they didn’t want visitors while in the hospital. I remember thinking to myself, “Hum, that’s strange! Aren’t you so excited to show your baby to the world????”

Yes, everyone is excited-excited isn’t the word actually-more like overjoyed. But you are also EXHAUSTED in the full sense of the word. My labor started at 2:30 am & Eli was born at almost noon that day. We’d been up since 2:00 when I’d noticed bleeding & grabbed our bag in a rush to get to the hospital. I didn’t get an epidural so there was no sleeping. Natural childbirth, while it was absolutely worth it, takes effort. A lot of freaking effort. We walked the halls a lot early on as I started having contractions because I wanted to keep the labor going & didn’t want it to stall out. Later, our amazing doula helped us try more things/positions to cope with the pain. In other words, we didn’t just hangout in bed all those hours binging Netflix.

Also…if you are not immediate family, or close friends I talk with on a weekly basis, the time for your to make an appearance is certainly not after my crotch was, literally, ripped open, is bleeding, & hurting like a mother. Did I mention I’m sporting mesh, “underwear,” & sitting on an ice pack?

To add to the fun, I’m trying to figure out how on earth to get a tiny human to breastfeed so the bra has went out the window. Breastfeeding…IE my boobs need to be out when said baby is hungry. Which become a little difficult to do when someone I’ve seen a handful of times is making an appearance. Reserve those visits for when we get home.

Second, the announcing. I had someone else announce via Facebook I was in labor &, as I’ve seen many other moms say, I feel like that is something reserved for the parents to do unless they otherwise specify.

Lastly, if Eli ever becomes a big brother, I’m kicking everyone out of the delivery room. All I want is my husband & my doula 😀 My mom freaked out because she said she couldn’t stand to see me in pain-which I can sympathize with since I can imagine that would be difficult. She was also traumatized for months by the amount of blood courtesy of the blood thinners I was on during pregnancy. So there’s that. Alongside her, my poor sister was about to legit pass out & was, I kid you not, biting her nails in the corner…my photographer friend has photographic evidence of this LOL I love em but I just need some people who can keep me calm 😀

If there’s ever a next time around, I think we’ll probably just have the baby & then tell everyone 😀

To Our Foster Children

Dear foster/adoptive babies,

A lot of people have told me you’re going to be a difficult task. Hard to handle, full of temper tantrums, stacked with attachment issues, full of behavioral problems, and/or learning disabilities because you may have been born addicted. A lot of people have told us that, despite foster care being the absolute greatest thing they’ve done with their lives, it is also the hardest.

As we get closer to completing our classes, more and more people remind us that our lives will never be the same again.

&, to that, I have a few things to say. For one, I understand you won’t always be the easiest thing I have ever battled.  There will be court cases, meetings with social workers, home visits, visitations, & a variety of other things that come with you so no, you will not be easy…And you have every right not to be. As a social worker, I full well now the requirements for a removal and can imagine the number of things that led you here. We also understand that our lives won’t even be the same again & that’s okay. We don’t want them to be the same anymore. I know your’s won’t either &, for me, that is far more important than the fact that mine will never be the same.

While you’re with us, I will do my best to make the darkness of your situation a little brighter. I’ll love you unconditionally & provide you with everything you need….& probably much of what you don’t need, to be honest because I’m a giant child and I can’t wait to play with you….when you’re ready for that.

When you’re old enough for me to give you this letter, you’ll have likely seen those signs for sale on various websites beginning with In this house…..we do _________. So, for you, I’ve written my own below:

In This House

We love

We do prayer

We do puppy kisses

We do mistakes

We do grace

We do Once Upon A Times

& Galaxies Far Far Away

&, most importantly, platform 9 & 3/4

We just keep swimming

We do therapy

We do respect

We have adventures

We play

We do real

We do I’m sorry

We do second chances

& thirds, & fourths, etc!

We do hugs & kisses (if that’s okay)

We do SVU marathons (when you’re old enough!)

We do Disney

We do hiking

We do outside

We do I Love You’s

We do family

No matter how long you’re here, we will do all of those things far after you’re gone. We can’t wait to meet you ❤

 

A Goodbye Letter To Infertility TX (For Now)

Dear infertility treatments,

This is our goodbye.

It’s not a goodbye forever, it’s just goodbye for now.

IVF doesn’t always end like this:

 

Sometimes, it ends with a basket full of needles stuffed behind clothes that are never worn in your closet that you can’t bare to look at. Safety tucking away all that might have been.

Even though our 3 IUIs & 2 IVF’s ended unsuccessfully, once again, I am so very thankful for the outpouring of love we’ve received since we began our journey. To everyone who has sent cards, prepared sweet gifts, asked about how things were going, etc, we thank you. We are more thankful than you will ever know. It has made the frequent invasive doctor’s visits, the procedures, the mood swings, & the heartbreaking disappointment easier to carry.

As we  mourn our journey thus far & the 4 embryos that just weren’t strong enough to stick, we will likely need more of that for a time. However, our break does not mean our lives are over like I originally felt like it would….it means the pause button on them has been released.

For now, we are going to enjoy life & each other for a few uninterrupted months. We are also begging our journey in fostering to adopt, which we are both very much excited about.

A lot of things are uncertain right now. What we wrong. Why IVF, again, has failed us. Why my egg quality is mediocre at 25. Etc, etc.

What is not uncertain, we hope, is that we will end up being parents eventually….just not right now. Not in the way we originally intended.

As I was driving away from the hospital where I had my HCG checked, I flipped on the radio. It was on a Christian station that I didn’t turn it to. Joyce Meyer was on & I happen to like her so I left it. She said something to the gist of this,

“If God is testing you greatly, like no one else in your life, the reward will be great.”

I believer that…I believe that maybe, just maybe, I was suppose to be begin my motherhood by being someone special’s adopted mommy first. Someone I may not have had in my life had events not unfolded the way they have…..that is what I choose to believe at this very moment.

Again, to all those who have been so supportive through it all, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Cesilee & Scott ❤

PS This does NOT mean my blogging journey on infertility is over, maybe it has just began…..

23 Ways Fur Babies Are Like Human Babies

1. They lose their literal sh*t when you leave the house without them.
2. No one is happier to see you.
3. You find yourself asking, “What’s in your mouth?!?!” multiple times a day.
4. As well as gently reminding them, “We don’t eat bugs, remember?”
5. Both of their toys come from Toys-R-US! Yes, Pet Smart now has a line specifically from T.R.U that resembles infant & toddler toys-worry no more fellow infertiles!
6. You can dress them up!! Well, the smaller ones anyway…this becomes more challenging when one of your fur babies is a 130 pound Rottweiler.
7. You trip over them and exclaim, “I didn’t see you there!” because they follow you everywhereeeee.
8. Yes, everywhere-you will never go to the bathroom alone every again, fear not!
9. They can both be taken to the park…sure, one of them is designated as, “dog park,” but a park’s a park, am I right?
10. They don’t want any other species of their kind loving up on THEIR mommy, or daddy.
11. Both get free things from the bank drive-thru. Candy and milk bones..same thing.
12. Each kind of baby requires a babysitter for an extensive out of town trip.
13. Not every location loves our babies as much as we do, there are kid-friendly places & not so kid-friendly places. Likewise, not everyone welcomes fur babies.
14. Picking up their toys is NEVER ending!!! &, as soon as you put them all away, the new game is seeing just how quickly they can get them all back out again.
15. Both love going, “bye, bye!”
16. They’re scared at the most random of things…like garbage cans & white paper bags..those things are terrifying.
17. Both kinds of babies get Christmas stockings. I’m sure even some human babies get tethers in their’s as well….
18. Taking them to the doctor/vet for shots is the absolute worst. If you thought Saw was bad, you haven’t seen anything until you see those glassy eyes staring up at you while your tiny baby cries because they’re getting hurt & don’t understand why you won’t make it stop.
19. They have Birthday parties….or at least mine do…judge me.
20. Both of them know when we’re upset &, in turn, become upset themselves.
21. They won’t get out of our beds even though they have their own..what’s better than mommy & daddy’s memory foam mattress?
22. They have sibling rivalry! The day my second dog came home, I thought my yorkie was going to murder him. She loathedddddddd his existence for months &, after over two years, reminds him whose boss.
23. We love them to infinity & they love us right back!

 

Dog Park Besties

They wanted to be close to each other on the way home. Be still my heart.

Don’t Stop Believin: IVF Style

Just a childless girl

Livin’ in a babyless world

She took the baby train goin anywhere

Just an infertile boy

Born with low morphology

He took the baby train goin anywhere

A reproductive specialist in a dim lit room

A smell of ultrasound lube & baby dust fumes

For 13, 000 they can stop sleeping through their nights

The cost goes on & on, & on, & on

Don’t stop believin

Hold onto that TTC greeting card

Injections, appointments

Infertile couples waiting

Up & down the baby sections of local stores

Their hearts searching late at night

Injections, appointments

Living just to get a BFP

Hiding in the TTC community

Working hard to get my bump

Paid again to roll the dice

Just one more time in 2016

Some of us will win, some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the heartache never ends

It goes on and on, & on and on

Don’t stop believin

Hold onto that TTC greeting card

Injections, appointments

A New Hope

(You can thank my nerdy husband for forcing me to watch Star Wars for that one).

We met with our RE this dreary & dark rainy morning for a post IVF followup…AKA talking about why it may have failed & where to go from here.

I counted at least three times that he told us not to give up. He said he wasn’t ready to give up on us yet…which makes me feel somewhat hopeful, even here in the dark. He also shared with us that he & his wife tried IVF three times, two of which ended in failures. On their third try, they got triplets, which he half smiled in saying, & told us they were all 22 years old now.

Which also helped us feel less hopeless in this daunting mission.

We also discussed the possibility of why IVF may not have worked for us, besides dumb luck. Apparently, my egg quality was below average…he said that this may have been a direct result of me being overstimulated & producing a whopping 36 eggs. With so many, quality can be compromised.

Or….we could have another fertility issue on our hands. He said that, “I have this theory that infertile people are attracted to one another.” While it isn’t certain I also have a fertility issue working against us (we won’t know that until at least one more egg retrieval), it’s incredibly devastating to hear. Obviously, one fertility issue is bad enough but with two…I envision two giant buildings on fire &, here you are, one little firemen trying to put them both out.

On the bright side, I am thankful that he seems to put things out there fairly honestly…he told us that, in some cases, he does tell couples that it’s time to discuss other options….other options being sperm donation, egg donors, & adoption. But, as of right now, he’s confident we are, “not there yet.”

So what now?

Well, like us, I got the impression from him that he felt chances of the one remaining frozen embryo were incredibly slim…it’d be a 30% chance…& we have two things working against us, at least in that cycle anyway (egg quality & sperm morphology).

Although it is half the cost, with just one embryo who has the odds stacked against it, it’s not something we want to invest in right now…for the emotionally toll alone, it is not something I want to go through right now…so that baby will remain frozen until we have at least one more to freeze alongside it & do an FET at a later date (hopefully for a second baby).

If at all possible, we hope to do a new IVF cycle next month. Our RE told me to go ahead & start taking birth control today…

So that’s that…we’re looking at every possible avenue in getting the funds together for a second go. We need half upfront…maybe I should go see Santa at the mall to plop down in his lap & tell him I need babies…opposed to the toddlers, it may or may not be the creepiest thing the old man has heard all day. lol