Retrieval

 Retrieval went relatively smoothly yesterday, for the most part. I was super anxious driving in & even more so when we got there. Once we got back to the pre-op room though, strangely enough, I calmed down a bit. The nurse, after informing me I could take my first dose of pain meds, was asking all the standard questions before an E.R. & was getting ready to do my IV when it hit me. I started feeling hot all over, the room started to spin a bit. She asked if I wanted her to stop, and at that point, I said no, just get it over with. Once she had the IV in (I think) I threw up & got even dizzier. All I wanted to do was lay down.

After both our RE & the anesthesiologist came in, it was go time. My little eggies were ready to be excavated. Our nurse led me into the room & told me what position to get in as we got the last bit ready. I laid down on that weird table with a large hole in the middle of it’s bottom (why, I don’t know…this does not seem very safe to me lol), put my legs up in those labor & delivery like stirrups (again, seriously infertility?), & got covered up with my blankie (because apparently I’m Linus from The Peanuts now). Last time around, I remember the anesthesiologist counting backwards until I went out. This time, he said, “I’ve hit you with the first one. Here comes the second one that feels like ice water.” After looking at the lights on the ceiling for a few minutes, I was out.

Thankfully, I didn’t wake up in as much pain as the last time!!!! I was in some pain so my nurse hit me with another shot of pain meds then went to get Scott. Before we headed out, we were told they got 12 eggs total-much better than the 36 they got last time as far as quality we hoped.

This morning, in a panic, I noticed I’d missed 2 calls from our embryologist-commence full blown state of alarm. After losing my shit, she eventually called us back & that hysteria ended. lol She informed me we had 5 eggs left as of this morning. 

  She said that my eggs were soft & something else I can’t recall, which can indicate low quality. I can’t let myself think about that & the fact they’re only 5 hanging in there from our first update. We had about 19 or so left the morning after last time…..5 is a far jump from that number & makes me worry that we won’t have any left. So, if you pray, PLEASE, PLEASE send some up for us! 

Other than that, I’m fine. Pain is no where near as bad this time. I have been incredibly nauseous & thrown up everything I’ve eaten, however…Scott guessed this was from the pain meds so hopefully that was it. We called our RE just to be sure & he said it was okay for me to take some Phenergan.

With that being said, after Harry Potter & The Chamber Of Secrets ends, I’ll be taking that & then going back to bed…again.

Wish us the best! Pray our little embies hang on & pull through!! ❤

Outtakes from the day:

  

Me pouting because I was so nervous lol

  

Warm puppy socks!!

Cinderella Time

Last night, when the clock struck 12, our last shot punctured my skin. It was trigger shot time!  

 
Being an avid Disney princess lover (or addict, depends on who you’re asking), I found the timing especially fitting. I also loved the above quotes from Cinderella that symbolize our journey, most especially the, “Even miracles take a little time.” 

Today, when checking out my very swollen stomach, I noticed I was left with some bruising from this cycle.  

 
If that’s what it takes, IVF, that’s what it takes. 😉

Tomorrow is our egg retrieval!!!!! At 10:15 to be exact. I’m still incredibly nervous & praying I don’t wake up in as much pain as last time (or have any PTSD stuff go on). More than anything, I am praying & hoping for better quality eggs. The pain, ALL the injections I’ve had thus far, the dates with the dildo cam, all the procedures & test, & all the tears will be more than worth it if the eggs are better. If you pray, please send one up for me tomorrow! 

😁🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️

Another One Bites The Dust

Yesterday, was day 9 of injections AND THE LAST DAY of double injections!!!! Which I’m, clearly, not excited about at all 😉

I felt mostly fine yesterday, just tired & nauseous. I also noticed I am, once again, getting really swollen…which concerns me with the whole OHSS. More than anything, I worry about my egg quality again being compromised by the overstimulation. Here’s to hoping that is avoided this time around.

 Thankfully, our LAST injection-the HCG trigger shot-is tonight at midnight. With that being said, hopefully the bloat doesn’t get any worse. Other than that & the fatigue, I feel fine physically.

As egg retrieval & transfer are quickly approaching, I am beginning to feel more anxious about those. Last time, I was in a lot of pain after retrieval & transfer was somewhat painful for me as well thanks to my retroverted uterus. As a result, going into IVF round 2, I’ve been even more anxious about these procedures.

Another thing I’ve noticed lately is that my PTSD has gotten aggravated during our second attempt at IVF babies. When discussing this with my therapist yesterday, I came to the conclusion that this stems from feeling pain (esp. vaginally). With 18 follicles since our second ultrasound, my dates with the dildo cam haven’t been the most pleasant of experiences. While a vaginal ultrasound with an overproduction of follicles isn’t comparable to rape, it is still triggering for me (as was any gynecological procedure before this).

With that being said, I’m more than ready for all of this to be over…hopefully with a baby in tow!

Until midnight, friends!

IVF 2 For The Win!

As I mentioned in my earlier post, while I’m not stressing out as much preparation wise, I am feeling even more anxious going into this IVF as opposed to last time.

Here’s Why:

1. After my egg retrieval last time, I was in excruciating pain. The nurse had me take my pain meds before I got anesthesia, had apparently (unbeknownst to drugged me) given me a second hit after surgery, & then, when Scott came back to recovery, I asked for more. Once I got home, I slept until 7 or 8 that night & only woke up for more pain pills once they’d worn off. Also, TMI, I thought I’d never be able to go to the bathroom again….it was the oddest pain every time I attempted it & the constipation from all the hormones definitely didn’t help here..it was hell. A 2 day extended hell of terror every time I sat on the toilet. lol
2. Transfer….it was not the easiest of times for me. Thanks, to my uncooperative retroverted uterus, getting the catheter in took some time…some time consisting of our RE poking around down there in an effort to get where he needed to be. It hurt so much I was cringing & tried deep breathing.
3. Financial pressure: we’ve already spent around 19, 000 on our infertility journey so far. With that being said, we really need this to work.
4. There’s also the added pressures of hope & faith in becoming parents. IVF itself is already a much higher stake in the land of infertility. After a failed cycle, the pressure is even greater for the next time to work.

I’m trying not to focus on the latter two & calm myself with first two, “whys.” By that I mean, I will probably try not to think about it until the day before each.

In other news, I’ve been reading another infertility (& fashion) blog I stumbled upon on Instagram. It’s called A Slice Of Style & you can find it at http://www.asliceofstyle.com

On it, I read that the Jenica had tried some interesting interventions for her FET. For one, she gave herself human growth hormone shots 5 days before egg retrieval to strengthen eggs & also had her RE give her a neupogen wash inside her uterus 5 days before implantation. In addition, she had also tried an experimental drug Neupogen. She explained that this was a drug that got embryos to stick better. She listed in her blog on the subject that it was $400.00.

Even though it is experimental & not FDA approved, I would soooo be willing to try it! Her Dr. put it in 5 days before transfer & I would jump on that if ours would be willing to do the same. What’s another $400.00 & another procedure to us now? lol If it improved our odds, it could only save us money in the long run. Things turned around for this lady after all of that.

Since I always try to end on a positive note, I am comforted in the fact that Scott was able to take off for all the ultrasounds this time, as well as egg retrieval & transfer. We also just booked our 1st wedding anniversary trip to New York!!!!!!!! So we have something to look forward to after all these shots, pain, & procedures (hopefully, on top of a pregnancy!).

So excited. After the year long hell of infertility treatments, we deserve it!

 

Embies Update 1

One of our embryologists just called me with our first update on how our embryos were doing!

She said, out of the 36 eggs retrieved, 19 of them were fertilized. One in particular hadn’t handled the injection well so they threw it out because it wouldn’t have resulted in a healthy pregnancy. Another hadn’t matured at all. And another 3 are slow developing & may catch up.

So, at this very moment, we have 14 fertilized embryos that are healthy as of right now.

We’re both over the moon excited that we have 14 good embies left! At the same time, I’m very anxious to hear about how those remaining 14 are doing tomorrow.

Before we embarked on our IVF journey, I’d read about women saying they had a natural instinct to be worried about their embryos & want them transferred back as soon as possible…at the time, I thought that wouldn’t be me….nope! I could barely sleep last night because I kept obsessively checking my phone to see if they’d called yet. When I did wake up, I could’ve probably slept another 2 hours but was NOT missing my update (crazy IVF lady). Since then, I’ve been laying on the couch looking at my phone any time the sun hit the screen certain way because maybe, just maybe that was them trying to reach us. lol Yes, I am well aware of how crazy I sound right now…..but I’m worried about out embies, darn it! 😛

  
Before getting off the phone, she told me I’d be getting a call again tomorrow with another update & we’d also be finding out when transfer would be.

Also starting tomorrow………

Yipeeeeee!!!!! 😀

But if it means having a healthy baby, I’d take the entire box a day if I had to.

Watch out, world….the hormones aren’t over yet!

Egg Retrieval!!

To say I was extremely nervous this morning upon waking up would be an understatement. I threw some clothes on I’d picked out the night before & we were ready to go fairly fast. At the door, I looked at Scott-for probably the 100th time-to tell him I was nervous.

He looked down at me & responded with what he’d always told me, “It’ll be fine.” & then added, “Have faith.”

Looking back at him like he was deranged, I said, “Okay, papaw.” (My papaw is the most positive human being alive & also reminds me to have faith much of the time about all things life).

& then it hit me. Something I’d always heard my papaw growing up spoke to me,

“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

After we sat nervously for a while waiting for everyone else to open up the office, I took the opportunity to take bathroom breaks twice…in about 30 minutes lol Thanks, anxiety!

Pouting because I was scared to death lol

My person ❤

We went back fairly quickly & our nurse got down to business pretty fast. She had me change into the most funkadelic hospital gown I’d ever seen (I told Scott I felt like a hippie tripping acid at Woodstock lol), numbed me up, took some blood, & got the IV going. I was notably nervous & she kept telling me all would be well also. She said she’d be with me the whole time holding my hand….I just wouldn’t know it.

While I was very adamant about Scott staying with me until I fell asleep, after the nurse spent a lot of time with me prepping, I felt okay enough to let her take me from there. After I peed a 4th time that morning, I walked back to the surgery room. It was pretty awkward putting my legs up in stirrups in front of like 5 people but hey, infertility has a funny way of making you not care who sees your kitty anymore lol

I remember the anesthesiologist telling me the lights would start to flicker in about 33 seconds and then he would be chasing it with something else that would feel like ice water. He was right, on both accounts.

I don’t remember anything else after that until I woke up in recovery. The nurse must’ve seen my eyes open and ask, “Do you want me to go get Scott?”

I nodded.

When he came back, I told him I was in a lot of pain & needed more drugs. While I knew they’d had me take 2 pain pills before the procedure, I had no idea they’d also given me some through my IV afterwards already-which he then told me. Our nurse overheard & said that was okay, I could have some more.

I ended up having A LOT more eggs than they’d even realized so I think it was understandable by all that I was in even more pain. I don’t really remember even walking to the car, or into the house after that. I know I kept asking for my dad & I believe my husband called him on our way.

I went straight to sleep & only woke up at 11 when they’d told me I could have more pain meds. As I was in a good amount of pain again already, I asked Scott to get me some.

He also brought me some pancakes since that was something else I started asking for right after waking up. It’s funny, I did the same thing after surgery when I was younger lol I wanted my mamaw’s pancakes.

Scott thought it’d be a good idea if I took my antibiotic they’d prescribed me afterwards so I did….& immediately felt very nauseous. Thankfully, it passed when I laid back down & slept on & off the rest of the day. I didn’t get out of bed until 7 tonight!

So…..the first thing that was on my mind upon waking up…….how many eggs did they get?????

We are both STILL in shock & awe. I feel sooooo incredibly blessed to have that many & never dreamed of that as a possibility. I’ve asked multiple times if everyone was sure I really did have that many lol

God is good.

& now we wait (again). They’ll be calling tomorrow from the lab to give us updates on our sweet little embies tomorrow morning, as well as Sunday.

We’ll also find out Sunday when our transfer will be. I am very excited & feeling incredibly blessed. We both are ❤ ❤

Find The Positive

1. I have pretty bandaids.
2. Only 3 more days of injections to go!!!!!
3. Tomorrow is our final monitoring appt.
4. We are blessed enough to be able to do IVF

It’s getting real, y’all.

How am I feeling today? Not my best. I am EXHAUSTINGLY tired. So tired, in fact, I plan on going to bed after this. My waddling has also worsened I do believe. I’m not sure how I’m going to manage walking to class tomorrow…the parking garage is over a mile away from both classes & I’m legit. concerned about being able to make it to both. During our trip to the grocery store my husband literally had me ride those awful electronic wheelchairs from the store….here he is demonstrating, “It’s not so bad.” lol

He is also on the list of things I’m thankful for…I literally laughed out loud for 5 minutes here lol

Also, can I say again how much I LOATHE Citrotide?? It reminds me of that song, “The Green Grass Grows.”

The Citrotide burns & it burns & it burns. The Citrotide burns & it burns.

I may be tired….I may be nervous about our appt. tomorrow…& even more nervous about egg retrial this week….but I’m also thankful we were able to do this despite it all. Here’s to hoping I finally get my rainbow baby. ❤