A Goodbye Letter To Infertility TX (For Now)

Dear infertility treatments,

This is our goodbye.

It’s not a goodbye forever, it’s just goodbye for now.

IVF doesn’t always end like this:

 

Sometimes, it ends with a basket full of needles stuffed behind clothes that are never worn in your closet that you can’t bare to look at. Safety tucking away all that might have been.

Even though our 3 IUIs & 2 IVF’s ended unsuccessfully, once again, I am so very thankful for the outpouring of love we’ve received since we began our journey. To everyone who has sent cards, prepared sweet gifts, asked about how things were going, etc, we thank you. We are more thankful than you will ever know. It has made the frequent invasive doctor’s visits, the procedures, the mood swings, & the heartbreaking disappointment easier to carry.

As we  mourn our journey thus far & the 4 embryos that just weren’t strong enough to stick, we will likely need more of that for a time. However, our break does not mean our lives are over like I originally felt like it would….it means the pause button on them has been released.

For now, we are going to enjoy life & each other for a few uninterrupted months. We are also begging our journey in fostering to adopt, which we are both very much excited about.

A lot of things are uncertain right now. What we wrong. Why IVF, again, has failed us. Why my egg quality is mediocre at 25. Etc, etc.

What is not uncertain, we hope, is that we will end up being parents eventually….just not right now. Not in the way we originally intended.

As I was driving away from the hospital where I had my HCG checked, I flipped on the radio. It was on a Christian station that I didn’t turn it to. Joyce Meyer was on & I happen to like her so I left it. She said something to the gist of this,

“If God is testing you greatly, like no one else in your life, the reward will be great.”

I believer that…I believe that maybe, just maybe, I was suppose to be begin my motherhood by being someone special’s adopted mommy first. Someone I may not have had in my life had events not unfolded the way they have…..that is what I choose to believe at this very moment.

Again, to all those who have been so supportive through it all, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Cesilee & Scott ❤

PS This does NOT mean my blogging journey on infertility is over, maybe it has just began…..