The Scare: Take Two

Early on, we had a scare when I had some spotting around the fifth week of pregnancy. Thankfully, things ended up being just fine (despite my meltdown & being sure we were headed for another miscarriage).

Sunday, I noticed some odd discharge when getting up that morning. It happened again soon after, only that time showing up as a very light brown color. If you’ve ever had experienced pregnancy loss, you know that any kind of colored discharge is likely to trip you out. So, naturally, like any sane person (jk) I text pictures of said terrifying discharge to my friend who happens to be a nurse practitioner. Her response started with, “don’t panic,” &, of course, I panicked as I continued reading. She said she was going to send it to her OB friend to see what her thoughts were. Commence BIGGER freakout.

After some deliberation with my husband, who love his heart was trying to calm me down, I called my OB’s after hours line to ask the on call person about it. After I filled her in, she said that it shouldn’t be colored like that & I needed to come in the next morning. Also, if any bleeding happened, I needed to call her back ASAP.

Fast forward to the Dr’s office today: I saw the lady I’d talked to on the phone over the weekend. She did an exam & tested for several things, since I’d been having recurring issues with yeast, UTI’s. Turns out, I have another yeast infection, which is less of a big deal, & BV, kind of a big deal.

BV can increase the chance of premature labor. Reignite panic mode. I have antibiotics for both infections & am hoping they resolve without any complications to the pregnancy at this point. Still, it’s a very scary situation for someone who has already experienced losses before.

I have antibiotics for both the BV & yeast. The game plan is to take those, call if things worsen this week, wait for the results of the other things she swabbed for (one was group b strep, can’t remember the rest), & be re-checked at my next regular OB appointment on the 2nd.

Please send up some prayers for us & that our little guy. I need an uneventful pregnancy from here on out…a lot less stress in tow!


Impromptu Pregnancy Update

We have declared this week the week of sickness at our house. Last Saturday, Scott was diagnosed with the flu. Commence panic for paranoid preggo afraid of any & all complications lol Despite the quarantine (him sleeping in another room the rest of the weekend) I was sure I was also coming down with it also Sunday night. Thankfully, the feeling passed & I’m guessing, luckily, it was just sinuses. Despite that, I was still feeling pretty  lethargic & didn’t know why until I went to the Dr. today. Before this happened, even our fur baby Sophie came down with stomach woes (I.E. had explosive diarrhea for two days) & ended up having to go in for IV fluids. 😦

Anyway, on what lead to the impromptu trip to my OB’s office, yesterday I was fairly certain I either had a yeast infection or a UTI. I got in to see my Dr’s nurse practitioner this morning & guess what? I have BOTH. The week of sickness continues lol She said it was a good thing I’d came in because UTI’s in pregnancy can lead to premature birth (which I’d read because I’m crazy & read everything that could go wrong lol). Semi less dramatically, I was also informed, if it spread to the bladder, pregnant women had to be hospitalized & receive IV antibiotics. For the infections, I’m currently on 4 days worth of antibiotics for the UTI until they get the additional culture back on Monday to see where we need to go from there. I also have a 7 day supply of a yeast infection med.

Before any of these glorious infections were discovered, she measured my fundal height & listened to baby’s heartbeat with a tiny handheld machine. The measurement was right at 20 weeks & the heartbeat (156 I believe) was good & loud (yay!). She even added his growth & heart rate were, “perfect.” 🙂

& now, since I’m writing this, on to a pregnancy update I didn’t expect for another two weeks!

How far along? 20 weeks 4 days

Gender: Boy

Weight Gain? 7 pounds

Maternity Clothes? YES! They’re basically all I wear pant wise (& have been for the past month I’d say) & the shirts are super comfortable as well. My favorite bands are Motherhood Maternity & Pink Blush Maternity. If I had to pick a favorite item I’d go with my maternity leggings. I’ve also preggo leveled up & now need maternity underwear, as well as bras that I need to venture out for soon.

Stretch Marks? I’m not sure if they were already there? lol but I’ve noticed some on the sides of my hips

Belly button in or out? In

Sleep: For the most part, this is still okay. I have had some random bouts of pregnancy insomnia. My nightly peeing had slowed down in the second trimester but has went insane this week…& now we know why. I’ve also decided I need to invest in a pregnancy wedge like yesterday because it is hard for me to get comfortable sometimes (I was a belly & back sleeper).

Best moment this week: Unexpectedly hearing little man’s heartbeat today!!!!! It was especially reassuring given the infections scare. Also, his placenta is anterior which makes it harder for me to feel him move. I’ve thought I’ve felt movement a few times but can’t be sure that’s what it is most of the time. She said that, eventually, he’ll outgrow the placenta & feeling movement wouldn’t be a problem. Her estimate on feeling movement in this situation was 21 to 22 weeks.

Symptoms: I’ve lived in the bathroom & been fatigued lately but, again, I think that’s more from the infections than anything pregnancy related. Aside from that, I’ve had back pain but that’s about it I think

Miss Anything? Sushi & wine. But I’d happily give that up for life if it meant I got to have this.

Cravings? Again…SUSHI!!!! &, oddly, rum…this baby is a pirate! 😛 I’ve actually craved sushi so badly I’ve informed Scott, immediately after I give birth, he is to go to a sushi place & bring back 3 rolls just for me…it’s getting intense over here! Cravings as far as things I can have: sweets!!!!!

Food aversions? In the first trimester, any & all forms of coffee! I couldn’t go in or walk past a Starbucks (yes, me). Any kind of seafood restaurant had the same reaction. Oddly, I also couldn’t eat red pastas, which for me, is unheard of because I can woof down a plate of pasta any day of the week. At this point, both have passed now.

Queasy or sick? Not anymore

Looking forward to? My next Dr’s appointment on the 2nd & our 4D ultrasound on Valentine’s Day! ❤ Oh, & our doula meeting next Tuesday!

Activity: Before the week of sickness struck, Scott & I had gotten memberships to a local gym & went twice a week. He lifts weights & I walk the track….where I get lapped by the elderly. LOL I had also ridden the stationary bikes there but, when we attended our info session at Babymoon, the instructor (owner/doula) recommended we steer away from that as that tightens the pelvic floor. She also didn’t recommend the elliptical for a reason I can’t remember. So I guess I’m left with walking, squats, & wall pushups for now.

Complications / Medications? Still taking Lovenox injections, baby Aspirin, & Methylfolate daily. Complications: none other than currently have both a yeast infection & UTI.

Nursery Update: We’ve picked out our theme & purchased a few things for it. I’m not sure how much or when we’ll post pictures of this since, in less than a week of announcing his name, two people conveniently decided to name their child Elijah….or something entirely too similar. So….that may be under wraps for a while! But we’re on it! Actually, we had a bit of a mishap on that this week. I’d ordered a SPECIFIC color rocking chair for that room & excitedly had it delivered a week early…to discover it was the wrong color. Still waiting to see if the seller is going to work with us on that, or if they want to see my wrath on Amazon…to be continued.


Anatomy Scan & Gender Reveal (Trigger Warning)

I haven’t posted a lot of details & pictures about our pregnancy on this blog once we reached a place where we both felt more at ease. I have consciously not done this because I know that the vast majority of those who follow along do so because this is an infertility blog & I also know that certain images, depending on what place in your journey you may be, can hurt & bring up a lot of negative emotions. I know how that feels all too well & have tried to avoid inciting those emotions in the people who follow along here. At the same time, I also know this pregnancy is a miracle & is something to be celebrated, which I’ve done on my other social media accounts. I plan on continuing this pattern moving forward but will post highlights here, one being both our anatomy scan & gender reveal.

So let’s get right to it!

For starters, our anatomy scan went really  well & we were told that everything looked normal. Oddly, I had to sign a form at the beginning stating I understood the scan was no guarantee that all problems would be identified…to which I, out loud, responded, “don’t tell me that!” LOL After dealing with infertility & two losses, worrying more is not something I need…I do it all the time regardless. I’m sure many of you understand that. Anyway, back to it, we had originally planned on NOT learning the gender that day & waiting till the reveal to find out along with our families. Well….I’ve never been a patient person…I was going to write the most patient but I’m not patient period most often so lol we’ll just call it what it is. Scott was getting antsy too so we agreed we’d find out together & keep the secret until Saturday, two days later.

After our scan, we saw my Dr who measured my fundal height for the first time. It measured almost 19 weeks, which is right on par since I was due to turn 19 weeks that Sunday & this was a Thursday. We also took this time to discuss our birth plan in terms of wanting a natural childbirth & it went really well. She didn’t seem to think there’d be any issue with it and responded, “Okay.” I also made sure she was good with both a doula & a birth photographer being there & she was so all went well.

Now……the gender reveal! It’s a………


As the tech said, “It looks like plumbing of the outdoor variety.” 😀

A few people asked us if we were happy with the result that day & our response was simple. We never would’ve cared what color the balloons were..just as long as we got to have balloons.

We’ve already chosen a name for him, Elijah Cole. We chose it since, in the Bible, Elijah was a miracle worker & us finally being able to get & maintain a pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle. Cole is after mamaw (since her nickname was Co) & myself (my middle name is Nicole).


We can’t wait to meet our little miracle & cannot express how overjoyed we are that we’re finally here. ❤


Thank you, for following along with us ❤



I have often thought (& wrote) about how terrifying pregnancy after loss can be but, until just recently, have never seen the full picture of how surreal it is.

For instance, just today I was talking to someone about being anxious in talking with our doctor tomorrow about what I want our birth to look like. As I was talking, I ended up saying something I never realized, which was something like, “I just never thought we’d get to this point & now it’s like holy shit! This is really happening.”

This is really happening.

It’s something I never wanted to accept going into this. Actually, I remember the terror of every doctor’s visit & every single phone call where I fully expected to hear the opposite…that this was, again, not happening. But, here we are, almost halfway through this pregnancy…& I am just now able to come to terms with the fact that it is actually, finally, happening for us. There is no word I can think of to describe how over the moon that makes me.

On the other hand, it’s snuck up on us a bit seeing as how we’ve spent the entire pregnancy up to this point being terrified of everything. With our anatomy scan tomorrow & our gender reveal party on Saturday, it’s starting to put things into perspective. Kind of like a nudge to get ourselves in gear for this miraculous little life that’s afoot.

For example, before this, I’d always thought I’d have a kickass gender reveal party planned. Like something no one had ever seen before. Picture this: mind blowing event. I mean, I have had 3 years to do it LOL We’ve actually planned something fairly simple & are happy with that. Simplicity is good.

As far as buying things for the baby & setting up the nursery, I’ve still got nothin at this point. Now that I’m realizing we’re nearly to the halfway point, I’m getting a little freaked out about this fact now.

Birth plan wise, we know what we want & kind of have a plan in place. Step two (one was talking amongst ourselves) is discussing it with my Dr. tomorrow & then setting up a meeting with our doula team. The way doulas work through the agency we are utilizing in our area is that you will meet with two & one or the other will be at the birth. Possibly both if they need to relieve one another if you’re there for a while.

Outside of planning for the big day, what I like to jokingly refer to as D-DAY because it scares the shit out of me,  until now, I haven’t really thought about what kind of parent I want to be. I wouldn’t let myself. I’d never really thought about what I wanted my newborn to sleep in after coming home from the hospital, how I would introduce them to our fur babies, what we would schedule our days around (between typical baby needs), what special holiday & Birthday traditions I wanted to create for them. The list goes on. Now that we’re coming to terms with, “oh…someone is actually going to put a tiny human we made into our arms soon & we get to take them home,” those thoughts are at the forefront of my mind.

So, all in all, I know everything will turn out just fine….it’s just that I am just now realizing how little we’ve done or thought about so far because of our fears.

Pregnancy after loss is big. It’s MIRACULOUS. It’s bittersweet. It’s scary. It’s messy. And, as I am finding out, it stalls you in a way.

Please say some prayers & wish us luck at our Doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I still get nervous every time! Xo


OB Appt. Take Two

A very late update that I apologize for.

Our appointment went really well! My Dr. said, more than once, she was so happy with how things were going & I seemed to be doing everything right.

A few highlights:

-She took me off of my Progesterone…which I am still internally panicking about a bit. I told her this & this was her response, “This is the stage of development where gender is developing so it’s going.” No negotiations were made on my behalf this go lol

-Our NT part 1 screening was normal. I can’t remember the exact number but the measurement was within normal range.

-Our next appointment & ultrasound, where we hopefully find out the gender (AHHH!!!!!!!!!!), is January 5th…so, so far away!

-Baby had their hand on their face, which was funny because my nephew had his hand covering his face on EVERY ultrasound my sister had!!! They also waved at us & showed they are already cry stubborn by refusing to roll over, despite the tech’s best efforts. But hey, maybe that stubbornness has paid off so far 😉

Today, we are now 14 weeks….again, blowing my mind. Before this, I had radically accepted this was something that would never happen for me…& I was trying to be okay with that. Now that it is finally happening after all these very hard tries & the painful losses, it’s very surreal. This week, I’ve been thinking back on our journey to here, specifically with both IVF failures, & I cannot fathom how we are here now. I know it has a lot more to do with the big Guy upstairs than anything else but the awww of this moment will never be lost on me. The most surreal thing that has ever happened to me. To say that we’re thankful is the biggest understatement of all.

Please continue to pray for us in our journey. I’m still anxious about losing my progesterone & now I have a suspected UTI that I’m being treated for with pregnancy safe antibiotics that still bring paranoia to someone who has fought so hard for this moment.

Sending love to all of you ❤


No More Morning Sickness?

It happened. I knew it would eventually & I was terrified about this moment coming. It doesn’t help at all that this occurred a lot sooner than I ever thought it would.

I’m 9 weeks & 5 days today and I barely got sick at all this morning. TMI moment ahead (this is your warning to skip forward): I only threw up a little bit in my mouth this am & yesterday wasn’t nearly the amount I was throwing up. Even then I worried but today the anxiety was amplified by a million.

After taking the dogs out into the cool chill of the morning, I nervously paced around, then decided to go get a breakfast sandwich for distraction. While in line, I messaged a friend of mine who is a nurse practitioner & former L&D nurse to ask her opinion on things. She asked if I was almost 10 weeks & said that, typically, the further along you are in pregnancy, morning sickness resolves. She added that, in one of her pregnancies, her’s began to clear up between 10-13 weeks.

& you would think that would make me feel better….but, as another blogger I follow on WordPress said, “Pregnancy after loss is not like pregnancy, period.” (Nara, from Zero to Zygote). Pregnancy after loss is terror. A damn near constant state of terror. Every twinge in my body worries me. Everything my body does & doesn’t do worries me. Is this okay? Is it normal? Should I be worried?

Once you’ve endured multiple losses, I feel like a large part of the joy of pregnancy is taken away. I envy women I see announcing at 5 weeks on FB & talking about their pregnancy constantly. In truth, I’m afraid to mention mine for the most part because I think…will it still be here tomorrow? Are things still okay for now? Why is my morning sickness gone?

You become guarded & super paranoid. When something happens that really warrants worry, you’re doomed.

Please send some prayers up for us that everything is fine & it was just time for my morning sickness to be over. We have a Dr’s appointment & ultrasound Monday that I’ll now be even more anxious for.

What was your experience with morning sickness??? At what point did it go away? 


A Late Update

Most of you probably won’t be surprised that I did go in for labs again on Thursday. Actually, I ended up being a little surprised because I hadn’t really planned on it BUT Scott & I had breakfast out that morning & then I had to go in to the Dr. because I got an infection so I thought what the heck?

I got my labs right after breakfast & got a call back about the infection right as I walked out of the building. The nurse told me it was probably best to just come in so we knew I was getting the right kind of meds. They fit me in after lunch & I asked about the results (shocker!).

HCG: 25,000

My Dr’s nurse also called me about the results as she isn’t who I saw & said that my Dr. thought my numbers were, “fantastic.” I started breathing a little easier after that. Our first appointment & second ultrasound is this Tuesday (just 3 more days!!!!!!) so we’re excited & nervous about that. I’m so hoping they can get a heartbeat at this one. I know the receptionists tell people they don’t want them to come in for a first appointment until 8-9 weeks but I specifically asked my Dr. last go around if I could come in sooner because I had never made it that long, hence those far off appointments were useless to me. She agreed so, when appointment time rolls around, I’ll be 7 weeks & 2 days.

Lots of prayers things keep going smoothly & we can hear that little heartbeat are greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!

&, for your entertainment pleasure, a funny story about giving myself my injection last night. We went out to dinner around shot time so I had to give myself my shot in the bathroom. Since I happened to be sporting a dress, I ended up having to do it in the stall. When I walked out, I was holding the needle (cap on) with a baggy I’d kept my bandaid & alcohol swab in. There was a woman standing outside the stall who looked at me strange & then did NOT go into the stall but instead continued to wait for another…..pretty sure she thought I was shooting up LOL Infertility is just really fun sometimes…….

The aftermath……..