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Mother’s Day & Infertility

For those struggling with infertility, Mother’s Day can be one of the most difficult days of the year. It’s a giant, flashing reminder of what you do not have. & it’s everywhere you look. All over social media (even in the weeks leading up to it seems), flooding department stores & your inbox with MOTHER’S DAY reminders/specials, during church services, etc, etc.

It’s a day that brings a lot of sadness for so many & I feel the video I’m going to share below captures that well.

(I’m having trouble copying the link to the video itself but it is the one titled To The Mother With An Aching Heart).

https://www.facebook.com/pg/todayparents/videos/?ref=page_internal

While I do not love that this is such a grueling day for so many (for different reasons), I do love that infertility is being discussed more openly & publicly. I hope that this video brings comfort to those in their deepest struggles & awareness to others about what many are going through.

If you’re struggling, please do not do so silently. For yourself, you deserve to gain the support of others & not go something that is so all consuming alone. For others, you could make someone (or several people you may know) not feel so alone. In sharing our journey with others, I found both of those things to be true & know I never could’ve made it through everything we went through had I not done so.

If Mother’s Day is difficult for you, know you are in my thoughts & prayers on this day & always. Xo

 

9

It Is Coming

Yesterday was the big day in my grad. school life, comprehensive exam day. In short, if you don’t pass said exam covering every course taken for the past 2 years, you don’t graduate. No big deal or anything. You just wasted the past two years of your life & got 40 thousand more dollars in student loan debt. It’s fine.

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Needless to say, I’ve been cramming & studying for hoursssssss every day up until yesterday. Now that it’s all said & done, I am, A, left to panic until I hear whether I passed or not at the end of the week &, B, finally left alone with my thoughts.

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With the exam behind me, I’m left to focus on the next big venture of grad school….its coming to an end. On May 8th at 7 pm, I will (hopefully) be walking across a stage with a diploma in my hand and an MSW after my name.

There’s just one thing…..May 8th, as I’m sure every other infertile woman knows, is Mother’s Day. The day I dread more than any other day in the year. Ever since my miscarriage almost 3 years ago, that day has been a painful sting. Since our lost battles with IUI’s and IVF’s this year, I feel it will be even more so this time around.

Usually, I’d more than likely avoid social media & life in general like one would avoid EBOLA.

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But, given this day falls on graduation, I can’t do that.

I will be going to one of the worst places an infertile can go on M. day, a restaurant. Yep, I said it. The war zone of largely pregnant woman & mothers surrounded by all of their children. I will also be in the company of my own mother, my sister, and my precious nephew. While it is wonderful I get to be surrounded and celebrated by those I love, it will also be a bittersweet time as I am the only woman at the table who does not have a child.

I hope this year is the last time I have to dread Mother’s Day so much. I hope that we luck into a foster to adopt situation. I hope that, when I have my laparoscopy on Friday, something is uncovered & there is some sort of resolution as to why none of the treatments have worked thus far. I hope that, when we meet with our new fertility doctor, we get even more answers & maybe, just maybe, things will finally work out for us.

But none of these hopes are going to soften the blow of this rapidly approaching day.


Switching gears, does anyone have any tips/words of advice for my laparoscopy on Friday???

 

4

1 in 8

infertility

I never believed i would be the one in eight. the one in eight people struggling with infertility.

i never believed i would i would become a resentful person scrolling through pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement on Facebook. the one in eight walking around with the constant worry that i may never know the excitement of a Christmas morning, the thrill of an Easter egg hunt, or the, “burden,” of sleepless nights & spilled milk.

over the course of this past week, it seems like i’ve seen at least four pregnancy announcements on my newsfeed. add the fact that it’s Mother’s Day into the mix, where mom after mom is posting honorary status updates about the birth of their children. then there’s throwing in the third tag team player in this fight, my sister’s baby shower this weekend. for the past

month, i have felt an immense amount of dread about this event….& i’ve felt really badly about that up til now….i realize now that i can still be happy for her & the new life inside of her while, at the same time, be very sad for me.

if we’re being honest, i’m not really sure how i’m going to get through a day filled with games about babies & pregnancies….baby clothes, hats, & shoes….& the comment i dread more than all of the above that i KNOW is coming….“when are you going to have a baby?” 

well…..we, pardon my french, don’t fucking know. i guess it’ll be whenever the fertility drugs & IUI’s work out to our advantage. if you’re going to present at this shower, or any shower in the future, for the love of God, PLEASE do not ask someone this…you do not know their situation & why, or why not they do not have children. you don’t know if, after being diagnosed with infertility, they are going through painful procedure after procedure trying with all that they have to get pregnant. you have no idea…please think about things like this before you say them…because you never know…..

they could be a 1 in 8.