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You Know You’ve Been Infertile When…..

You Know You’ve Been Infertile When…..

-When at your 6 week check up, you keep wanting to refer to the UTI’s you’ve had as IUIs.

-When opening up the discussion of birth control, your OB says, “I’m sure you don’t think you need it since it took you so long to get here.”

As I’m sure some of you are thinking, even if you’ve struggled with infertility before, it doesn’t mean you won’t miraculously get pregnant again. We know, she knows. After that opening statement she also added, “Even if you did get pregnant, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind,”

& it’s true. After all of the heartache & struggle we’ve had to get to this place, we wouldn’t mind at all. Ideally, that wouldn’t be RIGHT away.

SO-my options for birth control right now are limited as it is, as we’re still breastfeeding. I have a choice of the depo shot (which I would never do because I’ve read & heard horrible things) & a low dose birth control pill. Right away, I declined those as I already knew I didn’t want any prevention in the form of medications.

After being on some sort of hormonal medications for the past four years, I don’t want anything else to do with that sort of thing right now. I’m sick & tired of medications that come with side effects. Even before we began our infertility journey & long before I met my husband, birth control pills always made me sick to be honest. I always had bouts of nausea with them. Also, as mundane as this may sound to those who don’t understand, I’m just really tired of having my life revolve around having to remember taking a medication. Eli is 6 & a half weeks old as of today & I am JUST NOW not going into a panic wondering if I’ve forgotten to do an injection (that I haven’t done since 36 weeks pregnant), or take my Aspirin. Just now.

Since I don’t want anything to do with medications right now, our game plan is to use condoms & spermicide for at least 6 months. After that, if we were to get pregnant on our own, then great. If not, that’s okay too. Before infertility, I always thought I wanted at least three kids. In the trenches of it, I always said that, if I could have at least one child, I’d be happy & I am. I know, coming from a 1-2% chance of ever having biological children, we are PHENOMENALLY BLESSED to have Elijah. So blessed! If we go the rest of our lives never having another biological child, we’ll still be happy.

Regardless of whether or not we are able to have more biological children, we’d like to adopt at least one child a few years down the road. I’ve always wanted to adopt &, after going through the fostering classes, both of our eyes were even more opened to the great need for foster & adoptive parents. Likewise, I think there’s also a need for strictly adoptive parents through other avenues (other than through the state).

It’s definitely been a rocky road with lots of twists & turns to get to where we are. We aren’t sure whether or not we’ve left infertility behind as far as battling it again but we do now what are plans are as far as family building goes….what we don’t know is what God’s plans are. & He has some pretty big plans so I guess all we can do is sit back, wait, & see. No matter, we are happy with whatever that is.

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The Move

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” -Nelson Mandela

As I said in an earlier post, we moved a week after Elijah was born (because we are certifiably insane lol). What I don’t believe I mentioned was that the move was to an area Scott & I are both from. To give a bit of a backstory, because his job is so specialized, it doesn’t offer many positions in certain areas. Unfortunately, the, “small,” city we lived in didn’t have any openings & the uncertainty of his former job continued to loom over our heads. So, with being responsible for a new human life & all, we chose to bite the bullet & leave before his position was cut. We had a few choices in bordering states, as well as some down in Florida but chose to go closer to family since a job opportunity was here. Here specifically being Eastern, Kentucky.

For my U.K.. & out of state followers: Eastern, KY is a different sort of place than the rest of the U.S. It’s a very rural area with not nearly as much forward thinking as the rest of the states have to offer. It was also an area that massively helped Donald Trump gain victory in the election….let that tell you what it will. lol

With that being said, there have been a few things about living here that have bothered us.

For one, for the most part, the people here don’t trust other people & are leery of outsiders. One quick way we were reminded of this was noticing it’s rare for people to smile at you or smile back at you. I’ve heard of this also being the case in NY as there are just so many people & the lifestyle is so fast paced but I find it interesting this is also the case here. One reason I think this mentality is present in the area is, years ago when out of state people came into the area, they presented these legal documents to Appalachian people who could not read to sell their mineral rights for next to no money & ripped them off big time. Ever since, it seems as if the don’t trust outsiders has remained a common theme.

Something that ties into people not trusting others is that the area, minus within individual churches, is there isn’t a sense of community. What I mean by this is that, unlike places like Lexington, there aren’t any groups like mom groups.. There are no weekly or even monthly events within the community. I had even, going out on a limb, posted on Facebook before the move back asking if anyone wanted to get together for a stroller group sort of thing with their children. Zero interest lol Not one person commented & there are a lot of people on my FB from here.

Another thing my husband, his manager (who lived away from the area for a few years as well), several other people he works with that live out of the state & commute, & myself have noticed is that a lot more people who live here are rude. For example, we were grocery shopping last week &, while I was getting Elijah out of the baby wrap, a lady came up behind me. The parking spaces were at an odd angel so I asked her if that was her car she was trying to get to. She replied it was & I moved over, shutting the door a bit to let her through. My husband came around by that time to put him in his car seat. As he was strapping him in, the woman starts backing up &, had he not stepped out to hold his hand up, would have taken out my car door that she could see was present the entire time. When he closed the door, she backed out & sped off. His manager, who Scott shared this story with, said she’d experienced much of the same while living here & even noticed it in the elementary school her children go to.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT ALL PEOPLE LIVING HERE ARE RUDE, I know a lot of really good people living here/who are from the area.

There’s also a depressed feeling being in the area because it is so rural. There is A LOT more poverty concentrated here than other places. There are a lot of empty run down buildings sitting around, along with some run down ones that are still occupied. In the place we’re currently renting, we’ve seen a few run down or empty homes as well.

There’s also just not a lot of diversity here. I.E. white is the racial majority & you don’t even see a lot of people from other groups. Among other things.

With all of the above, compounded with the fact that you are away from common conveniences (like the mall, Target, Starbucks, a wide selection of restaurants), you are also away from good healthcare/specialty healthcare as well. For example, Elijah needs suck training so I’ll be taking him to Lexington for that biweekly because it’s not something that’s offered here. My husband & I, along with his family that lives here, don’t trust the hospitals in the area &, if possible, would make the drive to Lexington anyway for better care. Fact: 2 out of 4 of my grandparents died in a hospital here due to the fault of the hospital. So yeah, it’s not exactly a promising place to be here.

I asked my cousin who had tried moving back to the area before how he had managed & what his experience had been. For him, it was much of the same, adding, “Once you move away & your perspective of the world changes on every level, you become inherently different.” He also agreed that there is definitely a depressive energy in the air. On surviving it, his advice was to, “try to find people you can relate to…& buy lots of alcohol.” LOL

While I won’t be following the latter part of that advice, Scott & I have already came to the realization that we cannot stay here. Our plan is to ride out the year (as we are locked in per his contract) & then, ideally, move back to Lexington or another city we’d feel more at home in.

I am not saying Eastern, KY is an awful place with nothing to offer the rest of the world. I think it has a lot to offer. What I’m saying is that, once you leave & are use to a totally different lifestyle, it’s very hard to live here again.

In other life update news, we will be moving within he next month…again thanks, to our crapyy landlord/living situation. The AC has never worked upstairs, despite us bringing this up to him, & his solution to cool the 3 bedrooms & 2 baths up there was to, “provide a window unit.” We can also hear our neighbors through the walls, as well as any & all traffic noise. So yeah, it’s not working out lol We will still be living in the area because of the contract, just not here.

I also need to give an update on our breastfeeding journey & what that has entailed but that’s for another post.

Have a beautiful week, friends!

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Newborn Must Haves

Per request, I’ve finally gotten around to making my newborn must have list. Before we jump right in, I know blogging has been a little slow here lately but I think we’ve finally gotten a little settled into new parent life & the move & hope to start blogging more again soon.

Without further ado, here you have it!

My Newborn Must Haves:

  • Baby monitor with camera. Even though our LO isn’t sleeping in his own room yet, this has came in handy for nap times. The one we purchased, Snug Baby Monitor, also includes a free app so you can see baby via iPhone or Samsung device. In addition to that, it also detects motion & audio. You can find that here: https://www.amazon.com/Snug-Baby-Monitor-v2-Samsung/dp/B01E8BZH4K/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1499006387&sr=8-1&keywords=snug+cam+baby+monitor
  • A STOCKPILE of wipes!!!! I had a surplus put back before Elijah was born & I am soooooo thankful I did because, in just 5 weeks, I cannot believe how many we’ve gone through already!
  • Butt paste. Yep, butt paste 😀 This stuff will save your life & works a million times better than A&D, or Destin (in our opinion anyway) https://www.amazon.com/Boudreauxs-Butt-Paste-Ointment-Strength/dp/B00569GU18/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499006649&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=butt+paste&psc=1
  • If you have a son & opted to have a circumcision, Vasoline. We found the one in the squeeze tube handy.
  • My Little Lamb vibrating seat. We were lucky enough to get a bunch of hand-me-downs from my sister & this was one of them. It’s the only thing we could sit little man in those first few weeks. https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Little-Lamb-Infant-Seat/dp/B001GQ2RUS/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1499006759&sr=8-1&keywords=my+little+lamb+seat+fisher+price
  • Baby swing. I’d been told by several parents this was a must have for them & I can definitely see why! It’s a great nap tool & seems to entertain Elijah while I get my pump on 😀 We went with a cheaper one since my sister already had one for him to use & got the Graco Simple Sway Baby Swing. It seems to work well & the only criticism I have is that the mobile doesn’t move /: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PTL15D6/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
  • Wubanubs. Not only are these things adorable, they’re also very helpful in helping baby not lose pacis. Eli also likes to cuddle his. Here is one of the ones we have: https://www.amazon.com/WubbaNub-25581-Infant-Pacifier-Giraffe/dp/B003CK3LDI/ref=sr_1_2_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1499007081&sr=1-2&keywords=wubanubs He also has a bull that seems to be his favorite 🙂
  • LOTS of onesies!!!! Because s*!* happens, as does vomit & pee 😀
  • ALL THE RECEIVING BLANKETS, ALL OF THEM!!!!!!! You can literally never have enough, because, read the above again
  • Baby gowns. I found incredibly helpful for nighttime changing since all you have to do is pull up the gown & avoid dealing with pulling baby’s legs out of bottoms & then putting said bottoms back on again
  • Baby Wrap. I bought two of these, the Baby K’Tan & Solly Wrap. While I haven’t had the opportunity to use the Solly yet, I can say the Baby K’Tan is very easy to figure out (much more so than the Solly was for me-which is one reason I haven’t used it yet). https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Ktan-Original-Carrier-Black/dp/B000UYFULU/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1499007394&sr=1-1&keywords=baby+k%27tan+wrap    http://sollybaby.com
  • Dockatot. We bought this for its, “womb like design,” that helps baby sleep easier & makes them feel safe. It has worked well for our guy & the fact that you can easily carry it & transport it when sleeping away for home is also so handy. We went with this one: https://www.amazon.com/DockATot-Deluxe-Dock-Silver-Lining/dp/B06XH2QHR6/ref=sr_1_3_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1499007484&sr=1-3&keywords=dockatot
  • A rocking chair
  • Lamp/nightlight for nursery. While I’d originally gotten one for decor more than anything else, I was so happy I did when we started using it every night. It was a much better solution than turning on the bright overhead light that stirred baby up.
  • Blackout Curtains. I used the design your own tool feature from Carosel Designs &, for any curtains you purchase through them, for a little extra, your curtains can be upgraded to blackout option. This helps for naps & nighttime in maintaining a dark environment
  • If you’re breastfeeding: a breast pump, lanolin nipple cream, hands free pumping bra, breastfeeding friendly bottles, bottle brush, & nursing pads. We use Medela for all except the bottles, we decided to go with Avent & LO doesn’t seem to have an issue in transitioning between breast & bottle
  • I would also venture to say a dishwasher is on my list of newborn must haves because of all the bottles &, if you’re breastfeeding, the pump parts, gone through in a given day
  • Diaper Bag. I LOVE the gigantic Skip Hop one I got from Babies R US. It has two huge compartments for baby, with two inner pockets for diapers & creams, a changing table cover that slides in the backside of the bag, & also includes one smaller compartment for mom that has a cell phone & sun glasses holder (ikr?!?!). While I wish it had a strap that came with it instead of just the handles, I have been very happy with it & love that it’s so fashionable
  • Stroller/car seat combo. I personally wanted a jogging stroller & love the one we got from Target: https://www.target.com/p/graco-174-fastaction-jogger-click-connect-xt-travel-system-coconut/-/A-16443578?regMode=REGST&registryId=42bce21a2b584d4098971c1be2f5aa3d&registryType=baby&itemLineNum=68&backLinkName=my%20registry&backLinkUrl=%2Fgift-registry%2Fmyitems%3FregistryId%3D42bce21a2b584d4098971c1be2f5aa3d%26registryType%3DBABY%26lnk%3Dacct_nav_registry&pageFrom=myitems
  • Window shade for baby (to use in car)
  • Mirror that attaches to the back of the headrest so you can see baby while driving

So, there you have it, those are my newborn must haves! I hope you found this list helpful 🙂

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July, thank you for continuing to follow along with us!!! 

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Elijah’s Birth Story

A little over a week ago today, our sweet rainbow baby was born at 11:43 am, weighing in at 7 pounds, 5 ounces, & all of 19 inches long.

With his due date being a week away, we hadn’t quite expected him yet. The day before, I’d gotten up to brush my teeth when I felt these two trickling streams run down both my legs all the way down to my knees. Wondering if my water broke, I called my OB who asked if I was having contractions & whether or not the dripping was continuous. She instructed me to walk up & down the stairs for 30 minutes to see if the water continued/there were any changes. I did & called her back with nothing. Since it hadn’t persisted, she said I could go on about my day as usual & to call if anything changed.

Scott & I decided to do as she said & continued with our plans of taking a walk at the Arboretum. Other than my bump dropping considerably the day before (Friday), there were no signs labor was imminent at that point. Things changed at 2:30am the following morning, however, when I got up to pee for the first time that night. I stood up & had this weird feeling that I can’t explain wash all over me. It wasn’t pain, it was just an off feeling. I walked into the bathroom to discover I was spotting a decent amount of red blood, so naturally given our history, I panicked & woke up Scott to tell him we had to go to the hospital STAT. We weren’t sure whether, or not they’d be keeping us that night but we wanted to make sure Piglet was okay nonetheless.

Scott: I’ll admit, at this point, I’m thinking, “It’s probably normal… they said some small spotting was normal…we’ll go and be back before daylight.” Little did I know, what really lied ahead.

When we arrived, they set us up in a room to hook up some monitors on my belly & check for dilation. Initially, I was only 2-3 cm dilated so I thought for sure we’d be sent home. Instead, the nurse called my OB & she wanted us to walk the halls for an hour to see if there was any progression on dilation. As we rounded one of the corners, I felt my first contraction. It started in my back & wrapped around to the front of the bump. I’d stopped at that point to grab a rail & breathe. We both looked at each other in disbelief that it looked like things were finally happening. Even still, I think we both doubted this would be it & thought we’d still end up being sent home.

Scott: The nurse was kind but you definitely got the impression she was thinking this was most likely a false alarm at first. As a result, I was thinking the same. But when that first contraction hit, I started to think it was going to be a long night. lol

The second time I was checked, I was dilated 3-4. This was the point the contractions were definitely getting stronger & the nausea & vomiting set in (sorry but hey, it’s a birth story-it’s gonna get a lot more gory from here on out, right?). At this point, I still don’t think we got a full on yes to you are staying. I believe the nurse said that we’d continue to see how I progressed in another hour (some details are really fuzzy).  I decided to get some Zofran so I’d feel like getting up & moving through the contractions as long as possible. The nurse fed me some ice chips & also asked if I wanted to use the shower-which ended up being a great idea.

We decided to go ahead on texting our doulas & birth photographer (who happens to be one of the best friends I’ve ever had) to let them know what was going on. They both responded-Vicky, my friend, immediately, since she’d set my text tone to an alarm sound, lol. She responded saying she’d get to the hospital around 6 am. The doula that would attend the birth replied saying she was the one on call (we had two & knew it’d be one or the other). I stayed in the shower for a good while, as the heat really seemed to help with the pain that was steadily increasing. When I got out, I got sick a few more times & our doula text to see if she needed to come yet. I said yes & decided to use the birth ball to try to cope with the contractions since I didn’t want to venture too far from the room at that point. Our doula text me to ask if we needed her at that point & I had Scott reply with a yes as I swayed back & forth.

Scott: It was here I was starting feeling like this might actually be happening. The contractions were coming closer and closer together (from 10mins, to 7mins, to 5mins and some even closer). Looking back, had we been in Eastern Kentucky and waited from 5min apart contractions, we may have ended up with a news crew on the Mountain Parkway. LOL

The next time the nurse came to check me I was at a 7.5 & we decided to start calling our family to let them know it was officially baby time. Vicky arrived as Scott was starting to make calls & was a big help in letting him know while he was on the phone, I was having contractions.

Before the nurse stepped back out, she’d asked if I wanted any other medicine besides Zofran & I opted to get Stadol to numb the pain. Since you aren’t able to have any passed 8 cms, I got one dose just before the cut off point & I’m immensely thankful I did because, right before she checked me that time I’d said a prayer I could make it through the rest of the labor/birth without an Epidural. For me, the Stadol made me feel a little drunk but helped tremendously in getting through the contractions of active labor.

By the time it was time to push, I feel like it’d worn off but it did help me make it to that point.

Scott: This is when it started to get real. You know that moment in a car accident when time slows down and you haven’t crashed yet but you know it’s happening and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it? That’s the inevitable feeling that came over me. In that moment I knew this was it. We were started down the final moments of this amazing odyssey of pregnancy. There were no more doubts as to when it would happen, when should we go to the hospital, will he be born at 38 weeks or 40. It was decided, we were at the hospital, and it would be 39 weeks!

Our doula arrived soon after this & started helping Scott by showing him how to help me more. AD7A9852

He said he watched the way she talked to me & noted the things she said then tried to do those along side her. I remember her massaging some of my pressure points & putting a cool cloth on me, both of which really helped distract me from some big contractions.

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Scott: I have to thank Shilah again for her help here. I wanted to be there as much as I could for Ces and by observing and working together with Shilah, I feel we were able to better do that.

Since I’d said I wanted to use the birth pool earlier (for labor), the nurse came back to let us know it was no longer occupied & I could do that now. I was wheeled down to the pool room on a bed & waited for it to fill up. Ironically, when my Dr was trying to check the water, she actually pulled up the drain instead & let a bit out. Had I noticed it at the time, it may have served as a bit of comedic relief for me but I was pretty out of it. When in, Scott & our doula Shilah poured hot water down my back & continued with the pressure points. AD7A9952

I heard someone say if you feel like you have to push it’s time to get out & I answered back with I feel like I have to push now.

Scott: She wasn’t in more than 10mins before she all of a sudden said, “I feel like I need to push!”

Here’s where it gets fun again. Vicky later told me there was no medical staff in the room at that point, just her, the doula, & Scott. So she jumped into action & threw a bunch of towels on the floor & said, “I was going to get you to that bed safely” Lol. Someone went to let the nurses & my OB know it was go time while Scott ran to the bathroom while he could before pushing was underway. My sister & mom had just gotten to the room during this from a 2 & ½ hour drive that was probably much shorter since they drove 90 mphs….like we instructed them NOT to. Lol

Scott: I’d been needing to pee for about 6 hour, but I hadn’t wanted to leave her side.   Once she was back on the bed and preparing to push, I realized it was now or never so I announced my intentions to the room and rushed off into the bathroom to relieve myself before the fireworks began. While I’m in there I heard the voices of her mom and sister outside the door and thought to myself, ‘they’re here already?’

During all of this I was moaning what seemed like really loud to me but everyone around me kept telling me how shocked they were at how calm I was being. The nurse even noted, “She’s the calmest one I’ve ever seen.” My doula later said I was the picture of calm & strength…which seems odd to me because I do NOT remember feeling calm. Lol

Scott: She was the picture of calm & strength. Everyone in the room thought the same thing.

My OB returned quickly, followed by a line of people. We’re talking a lot of people. Scott said there were easily at least 10 people in the room. Once my OB was suited up in a green cover up, she told me to hold my breath & push with the contractions. The first 2-3 times I tried to do this she said, “You’re holding back, you’ve gotta do better than that. That pressure isn’t going to go away until you do.” That was all I needed to hear in the moment & I started putting more force behind what I was doing. A nurse had to remind me to put my chin to my chest a few times & she, alongside my OB, also reminded me to hold my breath on several pushes. AD7A0060

I didn’t realize it was happening but, also during this, apparently my eyes were rolling back in my head with contractions. My friend later noted, “It was like the exorcist.” Lol

Scott: Cesilee was amazing! She was the model of focus and determination. The way she would breath, hold, push, collect herself (eyes in the back of her head), and then repeat, you would think this was her forth or fifth birth and not her first! All without a birthing class!

Eventually, my Dr. told us, “your baby has hair!” &, after what seemed like several more pushes, said, “Okay, don’t push.” & then it felt like he slid out all at once. She put him right on my belly like I’d wanted for kangaroo care all covered in that chunky vernix with his eyes wide open. They had to bother him for a bit to cry, he was a calm little guy, but he did with not much effort soon after. Seeing him for the first time is something I can’t quite describe because it’s still such a surreal moment. After all of the pain & heartache we had to go through, all the uncertainty of ever knowing if we’d ever make it to this point, all of it, was made worth it in that moment. I just kept looking at him in both disbelief and a huge wash of relief that everything was finally over. During this time, Elijah managed to somehow put his hand on my face & melt my heart a little more. Soon after that, they took him over to weigh/measure/& let other people hold him really quick before handing him back to me.

Scott: As his head came out, I involuntarily started screaming, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!” (There is video evidence of this thanks to Cesilee’s mom lol). I was just amazed to my core seeing our little boy’s face for the first time. As the Dr. turned him I could see his eyes open. His eyes were open and looking around and he was only halfway into this new world!

While I was holding him & being stitched up, the med. staff kept pushing on my stomach to see how much blood was still coming out since, during delivery, I was asked if I was okay with having a blood transfusion, but I’m guessing, once it tapered off, it was decided I didn’t need one & I was just given an iron pill on the postpartum unit. Later, Vicky, being a birth photographer, said my delivery was the most bloody she’d ever seen during a birth. Scott also later said it was way more blood than he’d seen in any birth videos he’d ever seen. We aren’t sure why since I’d stopped the Lovenox at 36 weeks & he was born at exactly 39 weeks. I was still on Aspirin at the time but, regardless, everything turned out fine.

Before my OB headed out, she came up to us & congratulated us again, saying she knew how long it’d taken us to get to this point.

I cannot put into words just how overjoyed we are that he is here. It’s hard to believe all of this happened & that he is really ours. It’s a funny in a way because, on one hand, it feels like he’s always been a part of our lives &, on the other, we are incredibly humbled by how much of a miracle it really is that God decided to bless us with him. One thing is for sure, I know he was always suppose to be mine & we couldn’t possibly love him any more than we already do-even if we tried. I would do every single painstaking thing we went through again, ten times over, to have him without hesitation.

Scott: I feel I can speak for us both when I say we were very grateful for our Doula Shilah’s coaching through the birth. It was a tremendous help. And of course my complete admiration goes to my wife. She never wavered. I am so humbled by her courage and strength.

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Elijah Cole Born on 5/28/17, at 11:43am, 7 pounds, 5 ounces, & 19 inches long!

“I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

& all along I believed I would find you

time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more.”

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Mother’s Day & Infertility

For those struggling with infertility, Mother’s Day can be one of the most difficult days of the year. It’s a giant, flashing reminder of what you do not have. & it’s everywhere you look. All over social media (even in the weeks leading up to it seems), flooding department stores & your inbox with MOTHER’S DAY reminders/specials, during church services, etc, etc.

It’s a day that brings a lot of sadness for so many & I feel the video I’m going to share below captures that well.

(I’m having trouble copying the link to the video itself but it is the one titled To The Mother With An Aching Heart).

https://www.facebook.com/pg/todayparents/videos/?ref=page_internal

While I do not love that this is such a grueling day for so many (for different reasons), I do love that infertility is being discussed more openly & publicly. I hope that this video brings comfort to those in their deepest struggles & awareness to others about what many are going through.

If you’re struggling, please do not do so silently. For yourself, you deserve to gain the support of others & not go something that is so all consuming alone. For others, you could make someone (or several people you may know) not feel so alone. In sharing our journey with others, I found both of those things to be true & know I never could’ve made it through everything we went through had I not done so.

If Mother’s Day is difficult for you, know you are in my thoughts & prayers on this day & always. Xo

 

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36 Week Update

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How far along? 36 weeks & 2 days

Gender: Boy

Maternity Clothes?  Obviously lol I rock my maternity yoga pants most days….even though, confession time, they’ve literally never been to yoga…oops!

Stretch Marks? Yep, on my newfound cleavage & the sides of my hips.

Belly button in or out?  Definitely stretching out but, somehow, still in.

Sleep: I’ve been pretty lucky here. I’ve only had pregnancy insomnia less than a handful of times. Most nights, despite my 4 trips to the bathroom, I still manage to sleep pretty well surrounded by all my pillows.

Best moment this week: Getting to see baby Elijah on the ultrasound yesterday! He always cracks us up since he’s so stubborn, which hasn’t changed. Yesterday, he directly ninja kicked the probe the tech was holding over him….he showed her 😛 Learning that baby is head down & not breech was also a HUGE relief. AND I FINISHED MY LOVENOX INJECTIONS Sunday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Symptoms: My chronic, as my OB deemed them, yeast infections & BV have honestly been the worst thing since the second trimester. Other than that, I’ve started to have some swelling in my feet, which I need to keep elevated more often.

I also remain the reigning bathroom champion of the house for pee breaks lol

Through all those minor inconveniences, the scares, & the blood thinners I’ve been on, it’s still so odd to me that, because of the constant infections I’ve had, when nurses or nurse practitioners I’ve seen say, “Man, this pregnancy has really been rough on you.” Thinking back to everything I had to go through trying to get pregnant, all of these things feel so small to me. I would take them all for the rest of my life if that’s what it took to be where I am. When we were struggling, I always vowed, if we ever got pregnant, to never complain about anything because I know the absolute hell & heartache people go through in hopes of getting to the other side. I feel like, for anyone who has battled infertility, our perspective is vastly different from someone who was lucky enough not to have fertility issues.

Miss Anything?  SUSHI, SUSHI, SUSHI!!! I may have eyed the Kroger sushi this weekend & dramatically looked up at my husband to say, “I can’t be strong anymore.” LOL Note: I still have not had sushi 😛 He does, however, have strict orders to go get 3 rolls just for me once Piglet is born.

Cravings? Still ground beef & steak.

Food aversions? Still chicken *gag

Queasy or sick?  I had one episode a few days ago. Other than heartburn, I’ve been in the clear on this for a while now.

Any trips to Labor and Delivery? Not yet. I hadn’t started to dilate at my appointment yesterday yet but she did say my cervix had started to soften.

Looking forward to?  Meeting this amazing miracle

Next Goal: Get rid of the most current yeast infection &, hopefully, pass the group B strep test I had yesterday.

 

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An Update On Our Foster Care Journey

Initially, with this pregnancy, our plan was to continue our foster care journey this coming fall once Elijah was born so we could bond with him & get a hold on what it’s like to have a newborn. So we put ourselves on hold & flirted with the idea of possibly doing respite care once I made it into the second trimester & was no longer in a high risk category. As it turned out, I had a lot of minor problems with infections beginning in the second trimester that were also big scares at the time. Fortunately, even though I am still dealing with the infections, no major issues occurred & we aren’t worried about them at this point.

Fast forward to now where our foster goals have once again changed. Since my husband has accepted a new job & we’ll be moving next month, we don’t feel continuing our foster care journey at this time would be fair to anyone. Not ourselves as we adjust to his new job, parenthood, & acclimate to living in a rural area. Not to our fur babies who are already going to have to adjust to having one tiny human who is constantly needing every ounce of mommy & daddy’s attention in those early months. &, most especially, not to the traumatized children who are the faces of foster care.

One thing we learned quickly as foster parents is that you should be in a good place in your life when doing it. We feel that picking it back up again with all of the major life changes we’ll already be encountering is not a wise decision.

However, that is not to say that we do not want to foster again. In the short time that we did it, we both saw how rewarding & beneficial it is for kids in care. Is it hard? Absolutely. But, in my own experience & from what I’ve heard other foster parents echo, it will be the best hard thing you’ve ever done.

There are sooooo many kids in care that need loving temporary & forever families. Especially in our state, the heroin & opioid crisis continues to have devastating effects for children. Devastating effects that have left the foster system dramatically overrun. May is Foster Care Awareness Month & I would like to take this opportunity to urge you to look into your hearts & ask yourselves if becoming a foster family is right for you (now or in the future).