“When Are You Going To Have Another One?”

It’s a question we got, almost immediately to my surprise, after Elijah was born.

“Well, when are you going to have another one??”

It shocked me for a few reasons, the biggest being our infertility has never been any secret to the public eye. I shared our struggles from the beginning of infertility treatments to the very end. So, being that everyone knew just how much of a miracle Eli was, I never expected to be questioned about the possibility of a second child. Especially IMMEDIATELY following his birth.

I am still reeling in the magnitude of the blessing God has given us & in awe of him every single day. I’ve said it before & will say again that, if we are blessed with another baby somewhere down the line, then GREAT! If not, it is still great. Because God has been more ย than great to us in giving us what we never dreamed we’d have.

Going back to the question, it is still, nonetheless, a question that still haunts me a bit. Scott & I have talked more about other children lately. I think this has been sparked in part by his upcoming Birthday, calling attention to the fact that he is getting older. A unique element for our specific infertility feat is that he is quite a bit older than I am. One thing that means is, as he’s shared with me recently, is that he doesn’t want to be fifty years old & still growing our family. If possible, he’d like to be done, meaning he’d like to have another sooner rather than later.

For me, with my endometriosis & my own fertility issues, I also worry the longer we wait the harder it may be for me to get pregnant again. My eggs were not the best when we did our IVFs, which may have been because of the endometriosis our fertility Dr failed to ever test & diagnose (that’s another story/rant), we aren’t sure.

He’s ready to try to have another now but I guess I’m the one that’s conflicted. While I do acknowledge I have my own fertility issues & my endo is likely still clear since I had the laparoscopy, followed by two pregnancies, I also want to be able to be completely present in enjoying the miracle we have. I think my biggest worry is, again, pregnancy loss. I was sooo stressed my entire pregnancy that something was going to go wrong & I don’t want to be in a constant state of anxiety when I can enjoy my rainbow now. On another hand, I’m getting older too & nearing 30. The fact that, as women get older specifically, certain abnormalities become more common as well is something that has also been on my mind lately.

Basically, we are conflicted on the decision currently. There are a lot of factors at play & infertility is a tough beast, even if you’ve slayed it once before.

P.S. Maybe you shouldn’t ask someone when they’re going to have another baby-esp if it was hella hard to have the first. Just a thought ๐Ÿ˜›

 

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6 thoughts on ““When Are You Going To Have Another One?”

  1. I had this question when F was literally days old. It’s craziness. Now when people ask, I just say “we’re going to see what happens” (to shut them up ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚). Afterall, it’s completely out of our hands X x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oh no, people shouldn’t ask that at all! Firstly it’s such a personal decision between the couple and secondly for a lot of people they might not have the choice as we well know in this community. It’s not in any way easy to think about embarking on fertility treatments again and there is sadly no guarantee at the end either. wishing you all the best whatever you decide x

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  3. Catching up on what ive missed, and Omg. I was asked the same exact thing by at least 10 people lol!! Not even before we made it home from the hospital. It hadnโ€™t even entered my mind! At all!!! Itโ€™s crazy!! After a decade of infertility, Iโ€™m terrified to even go there. But people asking those questions makes u think. It makes you wonder.. But Iโ€™d hate to start trying again only to be defeatedโ€ฆ& after having lived with a severe case of secondary infertility thanks to Endometriosis (when we finally conceived Chloe my almost 13yr old was then almost 12) & I know from experience, at least for me- it made things more stressful & made her seem to grow much faster & while I could have been devoting & more thoroughly enjoying every moment with her I had bouts of depression & lossโ€ฆ I assumed after getting pregnant with my first at such a young age without โ€œtryingโ€ of course Iโ€™d fall pregnant again as soon as I even considered wanting anotherโ€ฆ but 12+ years later… life has taught me lots! this was good read! Deff hit close to home!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you
      Iโ€™m sorry for your losses. & yes, itโ€™s insane how quickly other peopleโ€™s minds jump to when the next one will be..when people
      Whoโ€™ve walked where we walked are wondering if there will ever be another

      Like

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