The Scare, Take Two & A Half

Yesterday, I had my biggest scare since around 5 weeks. I noticed some bloody spotting so I panicked & went into the OB for the second time this week.

When I got there, they had me leave a urine sample again & then wait in a room to be checked out. When the Dr. got in, she did an exam & said that my cervix was bleeding easily (my heart stopped) BUT that this was probably due to irritation from one of the medicines I was on. She also did another fun cervix check (these are NOT fun!) & noted that mine was still thick & closed and she wasn’t able to stick a finger in it. Thankfully, she also said that my discharge looked better than it had so the infection looked as if it was clearing up.

Before she started the exam, I showed her a picture of the red spotting & plainly stated, “Look, I’ve had two miscarriages & I’m crazy.” She laughed.

After checking me, she told me that, any time there’s a concern, they’d much rather you come in than not so I didn’t feel as stupid as I thought I would in light of a potential false alarm. This was especially good to hear at my second appointment of the week.

I can’t say enough about the paranoia & fear that comes with pregnancy after loss. It’s truly terrifying. You’re caught in this place of wanting to be elated but, at the same time, constantly guarding yourself & preparing for the worst. Before this week, a lot of that had started to die down for me & I was feeling better…then this week happened.

Regardless, I am beyond thankful that everything is fine, especially after being in a place of being terrified that things were not fine 24 hours ago.

I’m trying to take it easy for the rest of the week & finish the two antibiotics I’m on.

Going forward, something I do plan on continuing to do is being my own advocate. A therapist once talked to me about the, “gifts,” certain experiences gave you. While I thought she was bat shit crazy at the time, infertility has actually given me a few things, the ability & confidence to be my own advocate being one of them.

When I initially called yesterday, the receptionist sent me to the triage line after being told I was experiencing bleeding. Of, course no one answered so, instead of leaving a message & waiting several hours to get a response, I called back. When she asked if I’d left a message, I told her no and that, “I feel like this is an emergency & I don’t have time to wait around for an answer. I need to someone, can you fit me in with someone in the office?” She then transferred me to a nurse who actually happened to answer her phone. I filled her in on what was happening & she’d said she’d get in touch with my Dr. to see what she wanted me to do. Low & behold-not an hour later-she called back saying my Dr. wanted me to come in (duh). I say duh given my history & my being told to immediately let someone know if I had any bleeding just 3 days before this happened. I knew I needed to come in & there was absolutely no need to twiddle my thumbs waiting for the receptionist to figure that out when, meanwhile, something may very well have been wrong.

Whether you are battling infertility, taking control of your own pregnancy, etc, know that it is absolutely okay to be your own advocate. I wish I would have much sooner. It may have saved me a lot of time, money, & heartache.



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