Long before you ever become a real possibility, I let go of a lot of things. You see, before dealing with infertility & a few other things, I use to believe I had it all figured out. What hobbies I hoped you’d be involved in, what interests you’d have. I even tried to decide if I’d stick those tacky: MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT on the back of my SUV & how I’d deal with my separation from you when you ventured off to college.
None of those things are important to me now &, while I once had so many pre-made hopes & dreams for you, I now only have two. That’s right, just two.
There are many things I could care less about. I don’t care who you grow up to love, or what kind of clothes you like to wear. A lot of people get really bent out of shape about those, “big issues.” I want you to know that I do not, especially in the wake of our new President (Donald Trump) & what his administration stands for for people who love & dress outside of what they feel is acceptable. The only thing I will say on this is, no matter who you love, they’d better be good to you..unless of, course they’d like me to claw their eyes out.
I could also care less if you go off to college & get a fancy degree. No matter if you become a CEO of a big company or part of the garbage crew, I promise to love you just the same. Just know that, either way, I’ll be outside gripping a sign as you pass by that says, “THAT’S MY BABY!” with your face on it. You’ll probably shake your head and roll your eyes as you say, “That’s my mom, she’s crazy.”
The two things I hope most in the world for you are these:
- I hope that you are kind. I hope that you sit with the kid who never has anyone to have lunch with. I hope that you stand up to bullies, no matter who they may be, for yourself, as well as for those that cannot. I hope that, no matter someone’s religion, race, sexuality, or nationality, you treat them how you would want to be treated. I hope that you, if ever you notice a classmate never seems to have enough to eat, you grab an extra snack for them.
- I hope that you are happy. Many people spend a lot of their lives not being truly happy & I hope this is never the case for you. It doesn’t matter what or how much of it you have if you’re not happy. Just look at the many Hollywood stars who live lavish lifestyles & still struggle with drug addiction &/or depression. All the cars, mansions, & exotic vacations in the world won’t matter if you are not happy. My hope for you is that you get to experience true happiness & utter joy as much as possible. I hope that you get to be a carefree kid who does the things he loves. I care that you will have the ability to look forward to things & are fully immersed in joy when those things happen. And, if ever you are struggling, I hope you always know you can come to me & we will do whatever it takes to make you happy again. I promise to never give up on this dream for you.
Those are the things I hope for you. I know now that the rest is just background noise ❤