Bittersweet

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Mine were just in reverse.

Tuesday, after 3 years since seeing a positive pregnancy test, a miracle-I don’t know what else to call it-occured. I squinted down, more than once, to see, “Pregnant, 1-2 weeks,” which was right on par with where I should be.

The next morning, after being told the night before that mamaw was improving, I got a phone call. She passed away.

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I lost my best friend in the entire world Wednesday.
The person who made me who I am, loved me when I wasn’t very lovable, took care of me when I was sick, talked about me constantly to friends and family, & watched I Love Lucie with me entirely too late most nights growing up.
There are no words.
I will always love you Lucie…forever your Ethel 👵🏽❤️❤️❤️❤️

The first night of visitation was today & it was also the best & worst day of my life. It was the best because, this morning, we went to a local lab to get a second HCG that, not only doubled, but quadrupled. The number was 87! It was the worst because it was the first day I had to say goodbye to my best friend. My rock.

When I said goodbye to her tonight, I did find solace in that, when I started crying for the thousandth time today, I heard her say, “Don’t cry, sissy.” It’s something she always said to me…even though my heart is completely shattered, I know she would be so happy I, hopefully, won’t have to do any more fertility drugs & that we finally, hopefully, got our miracle baby. That’s what she would want.

I hate that I never got to tell her & she will never get to meet them here but I find solace in that God gave us our baby at the perfect time and also that I like to believe she played a part in it.

“You were like my mother. You were my best friend. You’re everything I wanna be & all the good inside of me thats never been. Never be another, love me like you did. My grandmother, my angel.”

_________________________________________________________________

Back to the numbers, what do my infertility ladies think on that????Are they good??? Do they look like we’ll avoid an ectopic or miscarriage???? Any thoughts appreciated……

Again, if you have me on social media, please do not mention this until after we announce. I’ve been through hell in all the infertility treatments and planned about 399238403 different announcements. lol

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18 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, but know I’m thinking of you. Your number seems great!! I’m hoping that you caught the pregnancy super early, but that’s awesome it increased so much! Just keep thinking positive as best as possible😘

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry to hear this. It must be such a mix of emotions. Sending you hugs. Xx
    As for betas I have no idea as we don’t do them as a normal thing in the UK… All I know is that they are really variable woman to woman and the important thing is, they go up! Xx

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss! I believe that your special person not only knows about your pregnancy but could have had a hand in it as well. I think when it comes to beta numbers, doubling and rising is more important than the initial number. My nurse said once you get to around week 6, ultrasounds are more important than the beta as the beta eventually levels off and goes down. Lots of luck to you for a healthy pregnancy and again condolences for your loss.

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  4. I’m not sure exactly how far along you hate but at 4 weeks exactly my HCG was 24, 4 weeks 2 days it was 64 and 4 weeks 4 days it was 150. HCGs are so varied between women all that matters is that number is growing at least by 60%! And yours are!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss and so happy for you numbers! I still feel like my Dad passing away is what brought J into my life. I know God has a plan and all, but I just like to think that Dad went up there and told him it was time to move it a long a bit! Sending you so much love and huge hugs!!! Praying this little bean continues to grow big and strong!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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