It Is Coming

Yesterday was the big day in my grad. school life, comprehensive exam day. In short, if you don’t pass said exam covering every course taken for the past 2 years, you don’t graduate. No big deal or anything. You just wasted the past two years of your life & got 40 thousand more dollars in student loan debt. It’s fine.

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Needless to say, I’ve been cramming & studying for hoursssssss every day up until yesterday. Now that it’s all said & done, I am, A, left to panic until I hear whether I passed or not at the end of the week &, B, finally left alone with my thoughts.

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With the exam behind me, I’m left to focus on the next big venture of grad school….its coming to an end. On May 8th at 7 pm, I will (hopefully) be walking across a stage with a diploma in my hand and an MSW after my name.

There’s just one thing…..May 8th, as I’m sure every other infertile woman knows, is Mother’s Day. The day I dread more than any other day in the year. Ever since my miscarriage almost 3 years ago, that day has been a painful sting. Since our lost battles with IUI’s and IVF’s this year, I feel it will be even more so this time around.

Usually, I’d more than likely avoid social media & life in general like one would avoid EBOLA.

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But, given this day falls on graduation, I can’t do that.

I will be going to one of the worst places an infertile can go on M. day, a restaurant. Yep, I said it. The war zone of largely pregnant woman & mothers surrounded by all of their children. I will also be in the company of my own mother, my sister, and my precious nephew. While it is wonderful I get to be surrounded and celebrated by those I love, it will also be a bittersweet time as I am the only woman at the table who does not have a child.

I hope this year is the last time I have to dread Mother’s Day so much. I hope that we luck into a foster to adopt situation. I hope that, when I have my laparoscopy on Friday, something is uncovered & there is some sort of resolution as to why none of the treatments have worked thus far. I hope that, when we meet with our new fertility doctor, we get even more answers & maybe, just maybe, things will finally work out for us.

But none of these hopes are going to soften the blow of this rapidly approaching day.


Switching gears, does anyone have any tips/words of advice for my laparoscopy on Friday???

 

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9 thoughts on “It Is Coming

  1. Ooh, good luck with your finals! I did undergrad and postgrad (what we call grad school) and I remember those days of endless exams! I can’t write that much any more! I quite liked exams because everyone else was relatively bad at them… I don’t think I was smarter as such, but more used to taking exams!

    As for the laparoscopy – I’ve had two, and I don’t really have any words of advice. It’s not that bad is all I can say! I didn’t find it too bad and I like having a rest! Hope it goes well. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s definitely good to hear! I had one person say the same and another say she was out for a week from her’s. We shall see which category I fall into soon lol
      & thanks! We just had the one large comprehensive exam..after that I have two more papers to write & 1 presentation. Fun, fun!! xo

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I had a week off but I was pretty much fine the next day – just a bit sore in the abdominal area. You get a bit of pain but tbh it is easy enough once you’ve recovered from the anaesthetic – it is more of a luxury to have time to sit around recovering!

        I can’t write physically very well any more! I’m used to typing! Every time I have to write, my finger hurts! Good luck with it. I’m sure you will do great!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree with Nara, the laparoscopy really isn’t too bad. The worst part is the gas they use to fill you up to more easily laser anything out. Some times some of the gas gets left in and it feels really painful in your upper back shoulder and makes it hard to take good breaths. This happened to me the first time and was definitely the worst part (lasted a couple of days), but didn’t happen the 2nd time. A lot of it depends on how long your surgery lasts also. Good luck! Just make sure you have a good netflix series to watch and a book to read. You’ll be up and moving within a couple of days.

    Liked by 2 people

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