#MomLife

#MomHairDontCare #Mombie #MamaBear #MommyAndMe #MomsWhoLift #MomLifeIsTheBestLife

You get it. We see them all the time on social media & fashion websites. These are the hashtags that unite mothers across the world. Attached to the pictures of adorable kiddos &/or a hot mess picture of moms on our feeds. It’s solidarity. The, “I know you’ll understand….” “been there, done that…”

& you do…unless of, course you’re not part of the movement.

You miss out on a lot of things as an infertile but I’ve come to find that, not only do you potentially miss out on the experience of pregnancy & having biological children with your spouse, you also miss out on the community that children bring.

This past weekend, my sister was gracious enough to let me steal a few more moments with my sweet nephew. We took him to an Easter cookout at Scott’s family’s house with us. The longer we were there, I noticed it….the fact that it was much easier for many people to approach us & start conversation. Either by inquiring as to whose baby he was, how old he was, or how many milestones he’d arrived at, he attracted people. Mostly other mothers & fathers who were eager to talk about him and then their own children. It was a notably different experience than the two other times I’d been there. Those times, I noticed his immediate family talking to me more easily, while the extended members tended to give a brief hello, nodding their heads to acknowledge I was present.

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Driving home, it was Scott who brought it up first, the obvious realization it was so much easier to relate to others & start conversations when you had children. & it’s so true. Any time I’ve ever nannied, I’ve found that people approached me and were much more inclined to start a conversation with me when I had a child with me. Mostly other moms who started by asking about the baby with me that then lead into them excitedly discussing their own child.

When you’re infertile, you miss out on all this. The friendships with everyone else your age that strengthen when you’re both parents. The ability to make easier conversation and allow others to do the same with you. When everyone else your age is married & has children, it becomes harder to relate to the people who don’t…you get left out of the loop. You become the leper of the friend group so to speak. It’s just easier to talk to everyone else that is relatable, all the other parents.

While this can sometimes be both a blessing & a curse (if you don’t want to hear about your BFF’s fifth pregnancy, or how much their children annoy them), it is a loss nonetheless. In a world that is already filled with such profound grief.

This is yet another reason I am so very thankful for the infertility community I’ve found on WordPress & Instagram. You ladies are my #Squad. We cheer each other on in the dark moments. We tell each other we can do yet another shot (& not the fun kind!). We believe in hope. We believe in second chances, & thirds.

& friend, if you’re reading this, I believe in you. ❤

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6 thoughts on “#MomLife

  1. I needed to see this today. I found myself at a luncheon yesterday where a circle of women gathered around and discussed labor stories, plans for more kids, pregnancy cravings and the like….while I sat in a corner trying not to dissolve into pieces on the floor. It sucks. It’s lonely. I hate it. Today, I don’t have anything positive to say so I needed this reminder that I’m not alone. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Nicely said, and so true. But when things like this happen I try to remember that often these conversations between strangers are so shallow and often the stranger is making comparisons between the child their own. The only benefit of being totally different (i.e. infertile) is that it wrenches you off the hamster wheel of constant comparison (who has got the most perfect life competition) and makes you realise what is truly important in life…well that’s how I see it anyway. Sending you lots of love.

    Liked by 2 people

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