Infertility is a game changer. The plans you had earlier in your life become uncertain & you have to start thinking about new ways to play the game.
It’s like being in the outfield & your pitcher breaks an arm somehow (forgive me, sports are not my speciality). And there you are, faced with the unthinkable. Your sure fire way to win is gone and your left there in the dirt.
That’s what infertility is like.
That, “simple math problem,” that is working so well for everyone else just isn’t adding up for you. You’re married and in a stable relationship now so where’s the baby? You’ve erased what you had on the paper over & over again, tried 5 treatments, but you still aren’t coming out positive.
So the Teacher suggests you try something new, a new way to solve the consistent negative outcome. For this problem, however, expensive tools may be required. But you may not be able to get these tools & still be left to grapple with the same problem. Back to square one, get out the eraser.
For me, infertility has been the disappointment that keeps on giving-taking rather. I miscarried. I lost my first opportunity to be a mom. I mourned as well as I could at the time and continue to do so almost on a daily basis. Then I got in a stable relationship & found my prince charming. All was right in our world….until we saw an RE to learn it was not. Back story for those who haven’t followed along thus far: we were told we had male factor infertility due to low morphology. We were told my tubes were clear & IUI would be the magic answer for us. “We’re going to get you pregnant!” was excitedly told me sooooo many times through it all. We struck out with all 3 IUIs & moved on to what we thought was the magic answer, the cure all for infertiles everywhere, IVF. So Scott stabbed me more times than I care to think about, I went through many cartoon character bandaids, the egg retrieval that was so painful, overstimulation, & the transfer…..& things still didn’t come out positive for us. So we cried…a lot. & we brushed ourselves off in good southern fashion to get back on the same horse to try again….only, again, ending with the same result. Currently, we aren’t sure where our infertility journey leads…we both feel I probably have endometriosis & are very angry I was not tested for this prior to wasting 20.000 on infertility TX’s we may not have even needed.
In the meantime, we have pursed adoption and are currently enrolled in foster to adopt classes. While we are very excited about this prospect, we have also looked at other avenues of adoption that have more of a guarantee as to keep our options open….& I have been infuriated in doing so. Not only is adoption around 40, 000, there are also requirements made up by these agencies. Requirements set up by a handful of people based upon what they feel is the right & correct way to go about doing things. For instance, you have to be married for X amount of years for most agencies. You have to be X amount of years past a divorce….I’m sorry, who are you to say either of those things don’t make us eligible to love and care for a child? Especially when millions of people who are drug addicted &/or abuse their children have 5+ so easily? But please, judge my life because we haven’t been married enough years to receive a child from your agency. Embryo adoption, for whatever ignorant reason, is the same. Same requirements with less of a price. I think the adoption cost for those ranges around 8000 plus you pay for the FET.
Not only is there the issue of a handful of individuals setting up these requirements based upon their own beliefs, there’s also the fact that I find it hard to believe that an adoption actually costs AS much as they are charging. It’s sickening really.
I’ll never understand infertility &, the more we move into adoption, I am feeling the same about it relating to the process in doing so.
At the same time, as terrifying & uncertain as infertility & adoption are….I am reminded of the following quote about baseball:
“Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” ~A Cinderella Story