After what seems like forever, it’s time for an infertility update.
When we first learned that our 2nd IVF was a bust, I’d thought that my infertility blogging days would be on hold for a while (at least in relation to TTC). Our game plan was & is to take a much needed break from IVF & all the crazy hormones and just enjoy each other. For a month now, we’ve done just that & I have to tell you it feels good. There have been no panicked mornings at ultrasounds/blood draws. No nightly stabbings from various needles. No mood swings Ursula from The Little Mermaid would flinch from. No more surgeries, or painful transfers.
Instead, there has been quiet….well, quiet may be an overstatement while grad school & free work reign but, as compared to adding in the craziness of IVF with it, it’s quiet as can be.
&, while I love not enduring all of the above, for the longest time it felt strange to me…the pursuit of having a baby had become my life. The constant doctor’s appointments and needles had become a norm for us. Regularly reading infertility blogs & searching #IVF hashtags had become what I knew. Even now, over a month from our last defeat, not having those things that had become the norm feels strange to me. Today, I found myself searching hashtags & almost hit the IVF category again…then thought better of it and moved on to our next pursuit.
Currently, while actively pursuing fostering to adopt, I am in search of a second opinion of sorts. A few weeks back, someone had stumbled onto my Instagram account & asked if our RE had mentioned a cause for my poor egg quality. I answered that no he hadn’t & she then proceeded to inform me poor egg quality can result from endometriosis & said a friend of her’s had the same thing happen to her. Once she figured out it was endo & had surgery to remove it, she conceived naturally soon after. Curious, I looked up symptoms of endometriosis as our RE never mentioned testing me for that, or PCOS. I was surprised to find that I had at least two symptoms of it, noting that, apparently, sometimes you can have no symptoms as well. For one, TMI alert, it is sometimes painful for me to have sex. For years, I’d noticed it & thought it be a direct result from my PTSD &/or an injury I sustained during that time…I’ve also noticed for a few years now that I sometimes bleed after sex. Again, I had believed this was just another result of PTSD….but now, after some quick research, I know that both of those things are symptoms of endometriosis.
So, what now?? I spoke to a friend of mine who has been seeing a gynecologist who performs IUI’s (who knew????) & is also a specialist for endo. Unfortunately, I can’t get an appt with her until the end of June. I took the appointment anyway but also plan on mentioning it to my doctor to see if she’ll schedule a laparoscopy.
Am I expecting some sort of miracle even if I do have it? At this point, hell no. I am done with getting my hopes up & believing there is some kind of magical solution to our infertility woes. After a year of hearing the next infertility TX would surely be the answer to our prayers, I don’t want to hear any more promises. What I do want, however, is a greater understanding of why my egg quality is for shit at the age of 26. After reading the symptoms of endo, I want the peace of mind of knowing whether or not I have it.
Regardless, hubby & I are continuing on with our break from IVF for at least 6 months. At the same time, we are working toward finishing our foster to adopt classes that we are so very excited about!
Have a wonderful week, friends!