Sugar Baby: “A young female or male who is financially pampered/cared for by a sugar daddy or sugar mama in exchange for companionship (i.e. sexual favors).” -Urban Dictionary
My husband is 19 years older than me. He makes decent money in an impressive field. I, his 25 year old wife, am a grad. student so I guess you could say I am, “papered/cared for.”
When people who don’t know us see us, I know what they think. When one of his relatives goes on a hate brigade against me claiming that I’m a gold digging whore, I know what they’re thinking.
But I’m also well aware of what they don’t know because they don’t know us (& most certainly don’t know me, considering we’ve never even met).
So what is it really like to-technically-be a sugar baby?
- For one, it’s bias. Some people think they know why we’re together-& their assumptions include anything but love. They assume my husband is loaded & I have dollar signs coming out of my eyes when, in reality, he was financially depleted from hefty alimony & debt payments when I fell in love with him.
- It’s judgment. Whenever I make a big purchase-or any purchase rather-they assume I pocketed the money from him. The two used vehicles I’ve purchased while I’ve known my husband were assumed to be bought by him when, in all actuality, they came from my bank account. But, apparently, I still, “spend all his money.”
- It’s a double standard. When my husband buys me something I always have to wonder when it will get back to a certain relative, or ‘friend’ & what else they’ll have to say about me. & I wonder…does this happen in any other marriage when a husband gifts the woman he’s married to? No..it doesn’t. But it happens with us all the time.
- It’s thinking I have daddy issues. While my daddy & I haven’t always had the best relationship, I can assure you that is not what drove me into the long, big arms of my husband. I married a man that knows how to love all of the time. One that works hard every day in his field and his personal life to be the best that he can be. One that would do absolutely anything to help others out. I didn’t marry a man that strayed from my bedroom to fulfill a gapping hole inside himself. I didn’t marry a man that would rather have alcohol and drugs than have me. I didn’t marry a man that I had to fear would ever leave me.
- It’s the assumption that one-or both of us-is stupid. My husband has been told a lot of things about me but one in particular was that he’d been, “brainwashed and blinded by that girl.” That girl. Not his wife. Not his lover. Not his best friend….that girl. They assumed that he, a medical physicist, was so ignorant that he couldn’t see what was happening in his own life. & that assumption goes both ways. It could also be assumed that I am so ignorant I’m not aware my husband married me because he wanted a trophy wife. A pretty little thing to put up on a shelf & brag about but not love…both of which couldn’t be further from the truth.
- It’s the belief that I have nothing more to offer my partner than a piece of a**. Vice versa, it assumes that is all he is looking for.
- It’s the premise that our marriage is less than solely based upon our age gap.
- It’s harassment. While I sincerely hope this is not the case for everyone in a relationship like ours, it has, unfortunately, been for me. It’s rude, snide comments on a Facebook update. It’s attacking me for a joke my spouse & I share with each other that they know nothing about. It’s informing my husband that they don’t want, “that girl,” to so much as look at their son if we’re both at the same family function. It’s, after being deleted from my Facebook, leaving menacing comments filled with hatred on my blog. While the majority of my husband’s family has accepted me & treat me well, there is always a black cloud surrounding those that do not. Those with preconceived ideas in their minds about who I am & who we are.
Assumption: “A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.”
Assumptions are unfounded, false beliefs. But that doesn’t stop people from holding onto them like a beacon of truth. There are people who may believe an array of things about our relationship. There are also people who will never know the depth of the love we have for each other. There are people who will never get to experience the magnitude of how truly beautiful that is. & I feel sorry for those people.
I also feel deeply sorry for individuals that are so consumed by hatred that they chose our relationship to become their scapegoat.
Joyce Meyer once said, “Hurting people hurt people,” & I’ve found, time and time again throughout my life, that no truer words have ever been spoken.
All in all, people are going to believe what they want to believe about us & our lives. But that doesn’t mean we have to accept their false beliefs as truth. That doesn’t mean their hatred gets to darken our skies.
“People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.” ~To Kill A Mockingbird
Live your life. Live in your own truth, whatever that is. & have a great New Year, friends!