In response to all the incredibly insensitive & idiotic things people say to those in the midst of infertility:
- “Just adopt!”
Welcome to Price Is Right, do you know the dollar sign on a private adoption? No, it’s about the price of two vehicles.
“Why don’t you just foster to adopt then?”
Take a moment to think about the love you have for your child…now imagine living in fear every.single.day until that 1 year mark that the tiny person you love will be taken away from you. Their biological parent will finally complete the minimal requirements to regain custody at the last second & your child will be taken back. Taken back to the abusive, or neglectful parent that they’ve never even known. That child that you’ve sat up with on late nights, taken care of when they’re sick, & loved fiercely as your own…imagine someone ripping them away from you as you remain powerless in stopping it.
Imagine not being able to share photos of your children. Forget all the cute milestone photos you see on Pinterest & on everyone whose had a child in the past 5 years FB timeline (“1st holiday” “1 month”). You won’t be able to post photos of your child on any social network for a year, when the adoption is final.
& then, after suffering many failed infertility treatments in the pursuit of parenthood, imagine not even being able to name your child. You don’t even get that.
Think about having to wonder if you families will feel the same way about your children as they do about all their other grandchildren. Even though they tell you, “we’ll love them the same,” how do you really know? You don’t..I once heard someone in our family refer to an adopted child as, “not their real child.” & I can’t even think about just how much that would destroy me to know someone felt that way about my the child I loved so much….
But we can, “just adopt,” right?
2. “If it’s God will……”
Don’t even get me started on this one….can you fathom the idea of walking up to a cancer patient & saying, “If it’s God will, I’m sure you’ll live!” No? How bout going up to a homeless person who is shaking from the cold in the dead of winter & reassuringly telling them, “If it’s God will, I’m sure you won’t freeze to death!” Still no? Hmmmmm…….
Or come listen to the people I spend the whole day completing assessments on. When asked how many kids they have it ranges from 3 to 5 (after all, 5 is the magic number in social work) typically. They are also the people who shoot up infinite amounts of heroin while their children are likely severely neglected &/or abused.
& what about the children I saw time and time again in my previous line of work? Work that was aimed in, “preserving families.” More often than not, I saw parents who were court ordered to complete my program or lose their children..& they still didn’t really care.
& lets not mention the fact that every.single.person who dares spout this out to us infertiles HAS CHILDREN!!!!!!
But please, tell me more about the knowledge you possess on a topic you know nothing about……