A Rollercoaster Ride

When I was younger, we had family near a major theme park so, most every summer, that was one of our vacations. Even when I was younger, I was more on the cautious side. The other kids would be pulling my arm yelling, “come on, come on!” to the smallest of coasters I was thinking twice about. Eventually, my mother lied to me to get me on my first major, “big kid,” ride…The Power Tower. It took you to the top of gigantic pole like thing & dropped you suddenly.

I had wanted to go on a safer ride, grabbing at her to point to a train. The train was safe looking & soothing. Nothing bad could happen on the train, smooth sailing. Quiet with no reason to scream, or worry that someone may puke on you.

& then I realized…infertility is a lot like a rollercoaster. It’s much like the first coaster described above, unfortunately. It’s a terrifying feat with so many things to be afraid of. Not like the smaller smooth sailing ride of fertility & getting pregnant, “the easy way.”

  So far, this ride has been a hell. I miscarried over two years ago. After that, when I finally arrive in a stable relationship that is healthy in every way, here we are. There’s no room on the train….only on the larger & more intimidating ride.

It’s taken us up with hopes & beliefs that we’d finally arrived at our answer over the course of the fertility treatments we’ve endured….& it’s dropped drastically back down again, with no warning at all, with defeat. Knowledge that yet another treatment had not worked. We still have nothing to show for our bravery & endurance at riding the most fear provoking coaster.

This morning, my husband called our RE’s office to go over the questions we came up with that are located in my previous post. One of the nurses informed him that our RE actually does a free post IVF consult (thank God, something is free LOL) & we set that up for 9:15 tomorrow morning. She’d asked what day I’d started my period & he told it was yesterday. With that, she said I could start birth control on day 3 again & the next cycle we’d be able to do would be in January. So now all we have to worry about is our RE financing us…we met a couple in the waiting room the day of transfer actually who had shared with us they’d miscarried after their successful IVF. They told us that he had been really great to work with and even opened another account for them so that they’d be able to do IVF again without the large downpayment….now we are hoping with all we have left that this was the case & we understood correctly…& that he’d be willing to do the same for us. With 3 failed IUI’s & a big fat failed IVF, my husband brought up the point that he can’t see why not at this point…we’ve alway been reliable in paying our dues….

Wish us luck!

 

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