Glimmers Of Hope

While I was lazing around the house today & watching SVU with the fur babies, my phone lit up. It was our embryologist so, naturally, -like any other good member of an infertile duo- I panicked to pause Mariska giving a rapist a beat down to answer it.

She cheerfully answered the phone to tell me she, “had a bit of good news.” Still in my panicked state, I responded, “Okay?”

“One of your embryos was good enough to freeze!”

She added that this was a good sign as this embryo wasn’t even as good as the two they transferred in…which makes me hopeful. While I had her on the phone, I asked another question…what grade were our embryos that were transferred??

She answered that our best candidate that was the full blastocyst was a 2BB…I can’t remember what that numeric part stands for but I do know she said the first B was the grade of the embryo itself & the second was the grade of what would be the placenta. As for the other, they were unable to determine grading as it was a step behind.

After that phone call, I know I should feel better….she’d told me it was a good sign one had made it to freeze that wasn’t even as high quality as the two they put in…our best grade was a B, which isn’t terrible…but, as compared to the HUGE number we were given initially (36 eggs), I guess my expectations were heightened. After hearing that, both Scott & I were thinking we’d have AT LEAST 3 embryos to freeze..during the procedure, he said the anesthesiologist came out to inform him, “You have enough for a baseball team!!” & then ran out a second time to report, “No, you’re going to have enough for a whole football team!!”

& here we are…with our 2 little embryos floating around inside me & 1 in the freezer….a far cry from a football or a baseball team, friend.

Maybe I’m being ungrateful here…& I know, “all you need is one!” I know that….& I get it, I do..it just isn’t the impression we were given so it is a little disappointing to hear that things didn’t exactly pan out the way they were originally presented.

& who knows, maybe that’s okay…I keep reminding myself that my sister & brother in law only had two embryos left & those were the ones that were transferred. The Dr. (the same RE we are going to) even made the comment that, “These aren’t the best looking embryos.”  & those, “not the best looking embryos,” turned into TWINS!

Another thing I’m trying to hang onto is that a friend of mine had her mom (who is a nurse at an IVF clinic in another state) take a look at our embryos & she thought they looked good…..she’s even going to have the RE there take a look at them!

So now I’m just trying to ride the fence of hopeful but not too hopeful…it’s a fine line in any infertility treatment. You want to be hopeful so you don’t fall into a wave of despair only to find out a miracle has occurred….but you don’t want to get you hopes up to be let down when the results are not positive & you’re then let down even more.

For now, I am trying with everything in me, to be as positive as possible…I’m going to try to enjoy being PUPO: Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (Can I just take the time to say could they NOT have developed a nicer sounding acronym than that?? lol).

I’m going to remind myself that I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to make this work…I’m begrudgingly shoving vaginal suppositories of Progesterone up myself three times a day….I ate an entire container of pineapple core (old wives tale, or not-I will literally do anything that will increase the odds here!!), I’m trying to rest but also move around a bit, cutting my caffeine down to 1 beverage a day (as a grad student people!!!), & trying to eat hot meals as I read somewhere embryos like that….again, IDK if there is any truth to that whatsoever but, you know what, it’s worth a try..& mommy likes potato soup anyway.

BREAKING NEWS: My friend mentioned above just sent me a text so I am now longer sitting on the couch devastated. She relayed that her mom said it was a good thing we only had 1 blastocyst because, when you have two, they can potentially cancel each other out. Also, I’m suppose to keep doing minimal activity & be sure not to lift over 10 pounds. AND the RE there thinks our embryos look healthy *heart eyes

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Glimmers Of Hope

  1. I stumbled upon your blog through instagram and I have enjoyed following your journey. I had my retrieval the same day as you. We retrieved 42 (!!!) eggs. We ended up with 2 frozen on day 3 and 2 more in the freezer on day 5. Our doctor elected not to transfer any fresh to prevent OHSS. I completely understand your disappointment as I felt the same way, going from so many to 4. But my hubs says the same thing, “it only takes one!”. I’m cheering you on. Best of luck to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Awesome, I’m glad you found it! 🙂
      & how neat that we had retrieval on the same day!!! I’m so sorry you got OHSS, I was close but my doc prescribed a med to prevent it thankfully…
      I am glad someone can relate but sorry your numbers dropped so dramatically as well 😦 but yes…it does only take 1! 😁
      Thanks! You, too!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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