While I was lazing around the house today & watching SVU with the fur babies, my phone lit up. It was our embryologist so, naturally, -like any other good member of an infertile duo- I panicked to pause Mariska giving a rapist a beat down to answer it.
She cheerfully answered the phone to tell me she, “had a bit of good news.” Still in my panicked state, I responded, “Okay?”
“One of your embryos was good enough to freeze!”
She added that this was a good sign as this embryo wasn’t even as good as the two they transferred in…which makes me hopeful. While I had her on the phone, I asked another question…what grade were our embryos that were transferred??
She answered that our best candidate that was the full blastocyst was a 2BB…I can’t remember what that numeric part stands for but I do know she said the first B was the grade of the embryo itself & the second was the grade of what would be the placenta. As for the other, they were unable to determine grading as it was a step behind.
After that phone call, I know I should feel better….she’d told me it was a good sign one had made it to freeze that wasn’t even as high quality as the two they put in…our best grade was a B, which isn’t terrible…but, as compared to the HUGE number we were given initially (36 eggs), I guess my expectations were heightened. After hearing that, both Scott & I were thinking we’d have AT LEAST 3 embryos to freeze..during the procedure, he said the anesthesiologist came out to inform him, “You have enough for a baseball team!!” & then ran out a second time to report, “No, you’re going to have enough for a whole football team!!”
& here we are…with our 2 little embryos floating around inside me & 1 in the freezer….a far cry from a football or a baseball team, friend.
Maybe I’m being ungrateful here…& I know, “all you need is one!” I know that….& I get it, I do..it just isn’t the impression we were given so it is a little disappointing to hear that things didn’t exactly pan out the way they were originally presented.
& who knows, maybe that’s okay…I keep reminding myself that my sister & brother in law only had two embryos left & those were the ones that were transferred. The Dr. (the same RE we are going to) even made the comment that, “These aren’t the best looking embryos.” & those, “not the best looking embryos,” turned into TWINS!
Another thing I’m trying to hang onto is that a friend of mine had her mom (who is a nurse at an IVF clinic in another state) take a look at our embryos & she thought they looked good…..she’s even going to have the RE there take a look at them!
So now I’m just trying to ride the fence of hopeful but not too hopeful…it’s a fine line in any infertility treatment. You want to be hopeful so you don’t fall into a wave of despair only to find out a miracle has occurred….but you don’t want to get you hopes up to be let down when the results are not positive & you’re then let down even more.
For now, I am trying with everything in me, to be as positive as possible…I’m going to try to enjoy being PUPO: Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (Can I just take the time to say could they NOT have developed a nicer sounding acronym than that?? lol).
I’m going to remind myself that I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to make this work…I’m begrudgingly shoving vaginal suppositories of Progesterone up myself three times a day….I ate an entire container of pineapple core (old wives tale, or not-I will literally do anything that will increase the odds here!!), I’m trying to rest but also move around a bit, cutting my caffeine down to 1 beverage a day (as a grad student people!!!), & trying to eat hot meals as I read somewhere embryos like that….again, IDK if there is any truth to that whatsoever but, you know what, it’s worth a try..& mommy likes potato soup anyway.
BREAKING NEWS: My friend mentioned above just sent me a text so I am now longer sitting on the couch devastated. She relayed that her mom said it was a good thing we only had 1 blastocyst because, when you have two, they can potentially cancel each other out. Also, I’m suppose to keep doing minimal activity & be sure not to lift over 10 pounds. AND the RE there thinks our embryos look healthy *heart eyes