Have I mentioned that grad school is busy?? It hasn’t even been a week in & my brain is already overwhelmed with the never ending story of assignments at hand. Not to mention ya know…the whole working for free at a practicum site three days a week.
Anywayyyyyyy, to the point, I meant to post this as #TBT blog post this past Thursday. It’s a post I wrote a year ago the third time my dad overdosed last year. So sit back, take a walk through a sterile stinky hospital, & just entertain me and pretend the calendar is two days behind. 😉
Hospitals: The (not so) Greatest Place To Sleep….Think…& Dream
It’s a hard, strange thing to watch as so many people peer down their noses at you. Shaking their heads & tossing the occasional eye rolls. To know that they hate you. Even harder to know that I hate you, too..& love you all in the same bittersweet moments you are still with us. After being exactly an hour away from the alternative.
But, after obtaining the non payable speeding ticket from Billy Badass (who did not give two shits I may have to say goodbye to you), dodging cars like a Nascar rookie because ignorant people do not seem to know (or maybe care?) that I have my emergency lights on, getting cussed out in a parking garage by a beer bellied hillbilly, then hearing people make jokes about what has happened to you, I lay here searching for the non-salty moments in today. They are getting harder & harder to uncover.
I don’t sleep well with lights on, or do well in any temperature less than a nice 75. You know that. You know that from the times I, “reasoned,” with you that I really needed just one more blanket to complete the layers I’d packed around myself. From the times I screamed to you, & the neighbors, I could not handle the cold water being sponged onto me for a fever. From the times I sat so close to your fireplace you told me I would light my hair on fire & turn it another color, red. For the record, it finally made it to just that & is just a few inches away from your thick black as I’m typing this. Not that you know, or care right now while you’re hogging this pathetic excuse for a blanket & huffing oxygen like you’ve just scored with Walter White.
For now, water from your oxygen thumbing, sleep apnea gasps a’going..we’ll say g’night. & I will secretly hope you stop thrashing like Tina from Bob’s Burgers…& the damned machine screaming for one of those nurses that see you as another scumbag case goes to hell, right along with all of them & their false sense God has requested a Jury for this world.
&, most of all, I hope you know my world will forever be a little less warm & light without you…goodnight.
~your just as stubborn daughter who will probably lay awake inches from your face (creepily) watching you breathe all night