House Of Hallways

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Over the past few months, I’ve leaned on the quote, “Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the hallway.”
While this got me through a rough time, it wasn’t always a fun experience. As circumstance after circumstance piled up, relying on this became incredibly difficult…until yesterday.

Yesterday, one of my doors finally opened after being shut for such a long time (infertile friends: there was not another immaculate conception that took place within my womb-this is something else in another door lol).

Before that, though, I was planted in my hallway. The long, dark, narrow confines of many doors. Aged & strong, none of them seemed to mind how much I banged on them. Believing that, if I just wanted it badly enough, a key would appear, or the person on the other side would finally twist the knob.

Something that has been weighing on my mind so heavily was the agony of how on earth we could afford IVF. Even though we’d already scheduled to start the process in October (with birth control for a month, or so), how on earth, even though our fertility doctor was willing to finance half of the cost in house, would we come up with funds we needed to ever start a family? Especially considering we were, literally, living paycheck to paycheck. Even before my marriage, I had never had financial freedom &, though I worked a full time job, always came up empty once bills were paid. Until now…..last summer, I was in a car accident. Though I was not severely injured, my injuries were significant enough that I sought the aid of an attorney to pay them. I was unable to nanny for months. I could barely move for months. Fast forward two months ago, we tried settling with my insurance company. At the time, the outlook wasn’t pretty. Once all my medical bills were paid, which were over 10, 000, & he was paid for his services, I’d have nothing left. That’s what I accepted. Until the day we sat down to meet with him this week, I expected close to nothing for all my pain & suffering, and damage to my vehicle.

As it turns out, we were very pleasantly surprised. After anxiously rocking back & forth in my hallway in financial shambles for years, my door swung open. After making myself physically sick over, how on earth, we would even come up with half the cost of IVF that we needed to get the ball rolling, here it was. I was, & remain to be, astonished.

“Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

I realize now why this door, this door I had banged on & cursed at all these years, had not budged an once until this very moment. I realized, in the months following the accident, why I dealt with not being compensated for my lost wages, vehicle damages, why it was I had to struggle so much. It was for this…& now it’s all worth it. This part of my life is going to be okay. I can breathe again (in this regard).

As one of my very stubborn doors in my hallway shifted, it brought about a renewed hope that others would soon shift as well. As infertility has a funny way of seizing any & all hope after many failed attempts, I needed this.

“If you could see the size of the blessing coming, you would understand the magnitude of the battle you are fighting.”

If you’re currently in your hallway, don’t lose hope. That’s just the moment the knob will start to wiggle.

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