Growing up, we all hear certain phrases that are unique to our family. Being from the South, some of the phrases I was spoon fed on are quite…interesting.
When something unexpected came up yesterday evening, one gem in particular my dad has always said flashed in my mind & hasn’t stopped since.
“Opinions are like ass holes, everybody’s got one.”
As I was on the way back from dinner with a friend, a text from my husband lit up my phone.
“Did you see the email? I think we should talk about how to respond to it.”
My response of, “what email??” answered his question. He forwarded it to me.
I saw the subject line & cringed. With the disclaimer of, “we should talk about it,” I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
It was about our fertility. A member of my husband’s extended family had sent us an email resembling one of those small chapter books kids read. In essence, she sent us a freaking Junnie B. Jones novel (I hear the author of Junnie B recently passed away, maybe she should contact the publicist to fill up her time???).
I will say, although it was probably not a mean spirited email in heart, it was in fact offensive on several fronts.
For one, it began with, “Quite possibly there are details of your situation I am not aware of as to why you’ve chosen to aggressively pursue parenthood at this time.”
If this conversation would have happened in person, I would’ve stuck one hand up & interjected, “Let me stop you there. No, you don’t know the details of our situation. You don’t know why we are choosing this sooner, rather than later. You’re right.”
The more I read into this small chapter book, the more pissed off I got. In the last few days, I’ve worn my emotions on my face. My friend glanced over her shoulder to the passenger seat I was planted in & said, “Uh, oh. This must be good.”
It also referenced several things in relation to enjoying being newlyweds &, for the life of me, I couldn’t fathom how this person I’ve seen twice in my life felt compelled to have an opinion on something so deeply personal. We will see her twice a year AT BEST & here she was writing a critique for how we’re living our lives.
She then, brace yourselves fellow infertiles, had the audacity to complain about her own children. I’m sorry, if you’ve ever struggled with fertility issues you damn well KNOW that is like going up to a homeless person & saying
“These cars are great but they’re a lot of work! You have to change the oil, keep new tires on them, & keep them clean. Enjoy sitting on the street & hijhiking, you don’t know how lucky you are!”
Lastly, it was so kindly discussed that an ex in law’s sister had gone through IVF & then had twins. Turns out in this tale, they didn’t need it because they then had a child on their own a year later.
Number one, good for them. They were probably ecstatic to not have another round of IVF to go through had they decided to have more children. Two…..if your hairdresser’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend Jen went through infertility…….& you have not…..you HAVE NO F*&%$#! IDEA what we are going through!!!!!!!!!
Since going viral about our fertility woes, I’ve received a lot of support…I’ve also had my share of lack of support & judgment. But not to this extent. Sure, I’ve heard a sentence or two from a family member on, “You could just wait til you finish school,” but no one had yet to write me a children’s book on The Wonders Of Being Childless: Enjoy It While You Can!
I am appalled. I am steaming. As I was recounting this downer of a transcript, I snapped at my husband because I got pissed all over again!
For this reason, I have not responded. I probably won’t ever do so.
Just like any other life decision, you don’t need to justify your decision to pursue having a family to anyone. What’s next? When we move homes, or buy a new vehicle should we expect a protest to be gathered in our front yard?? If we go through with the decision anyway, should we then be prepared for burning pitchforks at the dealership, or realtor’s office??
No. &, in the words of my grandmother, “By hell, I’m not going to! I’ll do whatever the piss I want!”
She’s in her 80’s & it’s working well for her. Point, set, match.