Waves & Waiting


I’m a planner. It’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a strict type A personality or anything, I just don’t like losing control.

My entire life, until the last year or so, it’s something I haven’t had. Not consistently anyway. &, when I feel I’m losing that control, I go back to all the times in my life it hasn’t been with me before.

Like living with two parents that hated each other & split up day to day. Wondering who would be home that day & if tomorrow may be different.

Like being sexually abused & raped repeatedly.

A lack of control is something I know. I know it very well actually as we’ve been far more than acquaintances. However, that doesn’t mean I like it. It ignites fires of anxiety in me that refuse to be extinguished until I find some control again. This was one of the things that fueled my eating disorder for so long.

If you haven’t figured it out already, infertility is full of uncertainty and a complete & total lack of control. 

When we got our 3rd & final BFN and struck out with IUI, I was devastated. We were devastated. I took some time to mourn that loss….I got angry….& then I got anxious. That may be the understatement of the year actually. I got fully consumed with dread & panic.

So I started desperately searching for any piece of control I could find. Just a sliver of it would make things okay.

I found some IVF info (on Pinterest of all places!) & started to think of questions we needed to ask at our consult coming up in two weeks (great, another TWW!).

IVF Consult Questions:

  • Valium for egg retrieval day?                      (for my PTSD)
  • Is the SHG test as bad as the HSG?
  • How many monitoring visits are needed?
  • Do you do 3 or 5 day transfers?
  • Bed rest afterwards?
  • What’s your success rate?
  • What are the chances of success for couples like us?
  • Am I a candidate for mini IVF?
  • Are embryo frozen, or non frozen at transfer?
  • How many will be transferred in?
  • How long is the process?
  • What drugs will I be on?
  • Will there be a nurse assigned to me?
  • Any exercise limitations?
  • Are you open on weekends?
  • How often does your clinic see OHSS cases?
  • Approximately what day do you do retrieval?
  • Do you give any pain meds for the day of retrieval?
  • Are you going to do blood work on us, as none has been done so far?

Is there anything you would add to the list? What are some of the things you asked, or wish you would’ve asked at your consult???? 


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