I got this gem of advice from the four year old I’m nannying this week.
“You cannot tell the time what to do.”
I can’t remember what it was in reference to but it’s pretty darn insightful, if I do say so myself.
& if you’ve ever experienced the dreaded two week wait I’m sure you can appreciate it as well.
The two weeks you’re in limbo not knowing whether, or not your efforts have paid off. Wondering if all the crazy hormone pills, belly shots (& NOT the fun kind, kids!!!), jabs from the dildo cam, & three plus excavations of your vagina for the IUIs have all been worth it.
While none of our TWW’s have been an easy feat thus far, this one has been by far the worst of all. Like I said before, our RE has a baseball like approach to IUI-three strikes you’re out & it’s time to move onto something else….IVF.
Which is only adding to my anxiety. Hubby & I have already talked about it and decided that, if this round was a no go, we’re taking a break for a bit. If things don’t go our way next Wednesday, we’ll probably move onto IVF in 3-6 months.
For one, I need a break emotionally. All the invasive procedures rattle the bars of my PTSD in a bad way…not to mention all the INSANE side effects from the drugs & shots. To put in bluntly….I’m a crazy bitch on them. I’m also exhaustingly tired ALL.THE.TIME. I went to sleep at 8 last night…& was out cold within 10 minutes of laying down (says the husband). In short, my body needs a break. I need a break.
Also, IVF is going to cost us around 12, 000 dollars…..12, 000 we don’t have. Our bank account is running on empty as we speak until the both of us get paid this Friday (thank ya, Jesus!!). Even though our doctor will finance half the cost, I don’t even know how we’re going to manage coming up with the rest. Which makes the process all the more stressful….
Did I mention I don’t really have anybody else, aside from my husband, to support me through this? I feel so whiny saying this but, what the hell it’s my blog-I’m gonna say it-I’m becoming increasingly aggravated with our friend circle, as well as our familhy. I haven’t received one text, or phone call after any of the IUIs. Not one. No hey, how are you? How’d it go? No thoughtful messages, or cards. Nothing.
I’m a very thoughtful person & I guess the rub there is I know in my mind what I would be doing if my friend was going through what we were & it’s just not happening for me….& it’s becoming more and more frustrating & sad for me because I know what a good friend would be doing.
Side note: this post, apart from the wise words of the four year old wonder, wasn’t well written at all…& had a lot of whining and complaining from your’s truly. I apologize & sincerely hope the fertility drugs leave my system soon so I can get back to a more positive me!
I’ll leave you with some infertility memes & snapshots from my week with Mr. E!