“You Cannot Tell The Time What To Do.”

I got this gem of advice from the four year old I’m nannying this week.

“You cannot tell the time what to do.”

I can’t remember what it was in reference to but it’s pretty darn insightful, if I do say so myself.

& if you’ve ever experienced the dreaded two week wait I’m sure you can appreciate it as well.

The two weeks you’re in limbo not knowing whether, or not your efforts have paid off. Wondering if all the crazy hormone pills, belly shots (& NOT the fun kind, kids!!!), jabs from the dildo cam, & three plus excavations of your vagina for the IUIs have all been worth it.

While none of our TWW’s have been an easy feat thus far, this one has been by far the worst of all. Like I said before, our RE has a baseball like approach to IUI-three strikes you’re out & it’s time to move onto something else….IVF.

Which is only adding to my anxiety. Hubby & I have already talked about it and decided that, if this round was a no go, we’re taking a break for a bit. If things don’t go our way next Wednesday, we’ll probably move onto IVF in 3-6 months.

Why Wait?

For one, I need a break emotionally. All the invasive procedures rattle the bars of my PTSD in a bad way…not to mention all the INSANE side effects from the drugs & shots. To put in bluntly….I’m a crazy bitch on them. I’m also exhaustingly tired ALL.THE.TIME. I went to sleep at 8 last night…& was out cold within 10 minutes of laying down (says the husband). In short, my body needs a break. I need a break.

Also, IVF is going to cost us around 12, 000 dollars…..12, 000 we don’t have. Our bank account is running on empty as we speak until the both of us get paid this Friday (thank ya, Jesus!!). Even though our doctor will finance half the cost, I don’t even know how we’re going to manage coming up with the rest. Which makes the process all the more stressful….

Did I mention I don’t really have anybody else, aside from my husband, to support me through this? I feel so whiny saying this but, what the hell it’s my blog-I’m gonna say it-I’m becoming increasingly aggravated with our friend circle, as well as our familhy. I haven’t received one text, or phone call after any of the IUIs. Not one. No hey, how are you? How’d it go? No thoughtful messages, or cards. Nothing.

I’m a very thoughtful person & I guess the rub there is I know in my mind what I would be doing if my friend was going through what we were & it’s just not happening for me….& it’s becoming more and more frustrating & sad for me because I know what a good friend would be doing.

Side note: this post, apart from the wise words of the four year old wonder, wasn’t well written at all…& had a lot of whining and complaining from your’s truly. I apologize & sincerely hope the fertility drugs leave my system soon so I can get back to a more positive me!

I’ll leave you with some infertility memes & snapshots from my week with Mr. E!

Infertility Shot Meme73d02c2c0263176ea52ab2554d22ce61IMG_22499454dfa2711f5ebe4aded27441c62aaaTwo Week Wait



8 thoughts on ““You Cannot Tell The Time What To Do.”

  1. The little one is wise beyond his years, and a lot wiser than most adults I know! 🙂

    And as for whining, have you read my blog? Haha! You are totally entitled to a whinge now and again. It’s therapeutic! And I really get where you’re coming from in terms of feeling alone. We didn’t tell anyone else about ttc so it felt like a very lonely journey. It is hard, but what I found fantastic was the support from the blogging community. I feel like I had a lot of friends rooting for me, and it really helped with the miscarriage to have people who understand. And with the infertility anger, confusion and general emotions all over the place! I hope you feel supported on here. I am one person and I’m rooting from you, all the way from the UK! X

    Liked by 2 people

    • YESSSSSSSS, making me this blog was literally one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! It has been so beautiful to have others know exactly what we’re going through & support our journey!!!
      I’m glad you can understand & tolerate my whining 😉
      He isssss, love this little guy! He is a nice TWW distraction haha
      Thank you, so much for all the support! Right back at ya! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • Woooo woooot. For u.
        I want a blog bad. I’ve had the worst day week month year. I feel so alone and like no one else knows what I’m going thru no one.

        Sometimes I don’t know why I try. If my hubby cared he would stand up to his family for me. If my mom gave a damn she’d ask to go to dr with me. If my sister cared she’d stop having babies. Soo alone. No one understands.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry that you’re not getting the support you need from your friends and family. That just sucks! I hope you know we are all over here sending you love, positive vibes and prayers. I sincerely hope that you don’t have to figure out how to come up with that $12,000!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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