We all have our go tos when things don’t go our way. Mine is cleaning. It reminds me of my mamaw (Southern word for grandmother)’s house &, consequently, makes me feel safe & secure just like she use to.
Today, after starting the morning with heart wrenching news, I made a choice….a choice to not lay around feeling sorry for myself all day &, instead, get up & be productive despite how the day began (after a good cry & an episode of SVU of, course #Priorities).
When finally mustering up enough courage to tackle the pile of laundry that devoured our guest bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice the stains I kept finding on the clothes. Every stack of them seemingly had more & more stains on them. It had been something I’d noticed for a few months prior but even more so today. & then I moved on to the dishes. In unloading the dishwasher, I picked up a water bottle & got even more disappointed when I found–you guessed it–yet another stain.
& then I thought….just because I’ve found quite a lot of imperfections in our laundry & dishes today, does that mean I’m never going to do laundry, or dishes again? Does it mean, because I went through all the trouble of carrying the laundry downstairs, sorting it, loading it, & unloading it, that I’m not going to do it again? Does one stain on a stubborn water bottle constitute me allowing our counter to fill with dishes & then our floors?
There will always be stains in life….but that doesn’t mean we have to quit. It doesn’t mean everything we’ve done so far in a task is thwarted & we shouldn’t try anymore.
& that’s how I feel about our big fat negative test this morning. So the first IUI was a fail after all the hard work we put into it, all I went through, & the high cost of everything involved….while we are devastated it wasn’t successful, it doesn’t mean future tries won’t be either….it doesn’t mean things are never going to work out….& that’s how I’m choosing to look at them today.
My stains didn’t stop me today. Instead, I looked at how I would change them. The stubborn water container needed a few brushes with our sink. Maybe the clothes need to be sorted differently in our laundry room. &, maybe, we just need to try a little harder at this fertility thing. Instead of sinking into a depression about our hopes not coming in line today, I researched what else we could do. I ordered my husband some fertility vitamins from GMC & we’re getting a gym membership today in hopes that both those things may help our fertility.
I hope your stains, whatever they might be, don’t stop you either. Sending lots of love ❤
On a positive note, I’ll leave you with some infertility humor……….